"Show's Over, Motherfuckers!"

Hmm...Yeah I know I haven't been doing regular updates every now and then. That's because I've been lacking inspirations and my recent illness has rendered me feeling weak and useless. Okay, that was a lie. I haven't been lacking any inspirations. The inspirations I had are short-lived and I don't really know how to expand them into a full-length feature post.

Anyhow, I'm here giving a shot at it.

So... First week of school... It's been weird and messy. I didn't really prepare for any of it. In actual fact, I breezed through this week with my eyes closed, not knowing what exactly is happening around me. I was down with flu and cough, and a slight fever that activates every time I reached home.

Besides, I have perplexing matters on my mind that I don't know what to do. Plus, I had a really frightening dream on Tuesday morning that crept me out a lot. It scares me how my dream department in my head has the ability to tear the very fabric that holds my thoughts all together. Oh trust me, it's a fucking, crazy, hell of a dream.

But don't worry, I'm getting a hang of everything... I think.

All that I'm up against now is trying to determine which person I should be.

I just know that last year's experience changed me. The group of friends I hang out with influenced me and I was struggling to keep sane from all the madness they talked about. Vengeance, contempt and a jaundiced view of the world and the people in it. I appreciate them for their steadfast loyalty but sometimes I wish they would lighten up and see things positively and not think of worst in everyone. And I wish their maniacal laughter would ease down a bit, for obvious reasons.

I go to school with a full tank of optimism and happiness but only to find it drained even faster with my friends because of their harsh, yet true to a certain extent, perspectives on my classmates. And I'm totally a different person with them around too. It's just that seeing them how they judge other people makes me self-conscious of everything I do and I want to be avoided being judged "negatively" by them too.

I know...

I know...

I should stand up for what I believe in instead of being led by the nose. Even if I can't do that, I got to resist the Dark Side. Been doing it since last year... Got to keep it up even more as the pressure's increasing, yeah? I suppose so...

I'll just wrap up here...I think it's too long for you guys to read too, anyway... I'll definitely do a follow-up post. This ending doesn't have much impact for me...=/

See ya and bless your souls..=)