To wrap up this tumultuous crazy year, I shall let this short film of mine sum it all up.
A lot has happened in 2013. Can't really put 'em into words this way. Feels like it'd cheapen the whole experience.
I mean just looking back on it, it's been amazing, though I kept complaining and whining about being in the NS. Thank God, now I'm a fully-fledged driver. Finally passed the fuckin' test.
Also, I had really interesting social experiments with some friends and strangers. Well, let's just leave it at that I've been exploring that boundaries of societal norms.
Met new people too and made lots of friends. Infiltrated into the social circles of juvenile boys' minds and discovered delinquents do exist, albeit in different forms.
Been seeking out local music and I found some gems in forms of Inch Chua, Charlie Lim, The Sam Willows, Monster Cat, The Great Spy Experiment, .gif, Kevin Lester and many many more. My gosh, I really wish these people all the best and continue to do Singapore proud.
I had my heart broken, fixed back and then shattered again. I think it's gonna take a while before I can start liking somebody new. I never did fully see her as a friend, and I'm really sorry that I failed you. I couldn't be the platonic friend you needed me to be. I hope things will get better when you come back. Happy Birthday x Merry Xmas in advance, dear Ronnie.
Right now, it's pouring mad in Singapore. Typical, and I can't help but feel depressed during this holiday season. I always do.
I wish I had something smarter and insightful to offer in this post.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Sunday, August 18, 2013
La Musique, c'est l'expression de l'âme
Yumi Arai - Vapor Trail Ending
Discovered this song while watching the trailer for Hayao Miyazaki's new movie. Yumi Arai is a J-pop artist back in 1973. Very reminiscent of Procto Harum's "A Whiter Shade of Pale". I suppose Japanese were already influenced by the Western. Both songs were released during the 60s/70s period.. Simple song, yet it packs so much meaning.
Lyrics (Taken from Susan Boyle's version)
There's a road, a misty road
Leading up to heaven
She was walking, all alone
Not a soul was around.
There came a little wispy cloud out of the blue
And it carried her away
She's not afraid of anything
And she goes without a sound.
(Chorus)
She would gaze up at the sky
Dreaming that she's flying so high
Then she was gone, disappearing
Like a vapor trail.
Yesterday, she lay in bed
In that lonely little room
From the window up above
All she would see were the clouds.
She was so very, so very young
Such a long, long road ahead of her
But she heard that voice a calling
And I guess she's happy now.
"Drifting apart like two sheets of ice, my love
Frozen hearts growing colder with time
There's no heat from our mouths
Please take me back to my refuge
And we were in flames, I needed, I needed you
To run through my veins, like disease, disease
And now we are strange, strangers"
Of Monsters and Men - King and Lionheart
Discovered this song while watching the trailer for Hayao Miyazaki's new movie. Yumi Arai is a J-pop artist back in 1973. Very reminiscent of Procto Harum's "A Whiter Shade of Pale". I suppose Japanese were already influenced by the Western. Both songs were released during the 60s/70s period.. Simple song, yet it packs so much meaning.
Lyrics (Taken from Susan Boyle's version)
There's a road, a misty road
Leading up to heaven
She was walking, all alone
Not a soul was around.
There came a little wispy cloud out of the blue
And it carried her away
She's not afraid of anything
And she goes without a sound.
(Chorus)
She would gaze up at the sky
Dreaming that she's flying so high
Then she was gone, disappearing
Like a vapor trail.
Yesterday, she lay in bed
In that lonely little room
From the window up above
All she would see were the clouds.
She was so very, so very young
Such a long, long road ahead of her
But she heard that voice a calling
And I guess she's happy now.
(Chorus)x2
Daughter - Winter
"Drifting apart like two sheets of ice, my love
Frozen hearts growing colder with time
There's no heat from our mouths
Please take me back to my refuge
And we were in flames, I needed, I needed you
To run through my veins, like disease, disease
And now we are strange, strangers"
Of Monsters and Men - King and Lionheart
I hope I don't become a cynical douchebag at the end of these two years in here.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Life Is Truly Exceptional
Imagine this
You're walking down a dimly lit street where many shophouses are aligned to each other. Your only guide are the neon lights, illuminating in an assortment of bright colors, mainly pink and red. You can't help but allow yourself to be drawn in by them, curious as to what are behind the doors as you start to read the words on them. You smell incense sticks burning and notice a buddha shrine is set at the doorstep of almost every shophouse.
Some gentlemen passed you quickly and go through the entrance. You catch their expressions. Initially flushed with eager and ecstasy, their grinning faces are quickly withdrawn once they stepped inside. They thank the owner curtly and leave in a hurry. You enter the interior and the uncle welcomes you warmly, giving you a tight squeeze on the shoulder.
Your eyes are diverted to the girls behind the glass windows. The three girls are seated on a long, sofa couch in what seems like a waiting area and the brightness in that room is almost blinding. They are on their cell phones, texting or playing you do not know. You focus on their cleavages, but not really. What you are really looking at are the numbers hung between those two perky breasts. You shift your eyes back to their faces and it just so happens that two of them are starting to get impatient and they look up at you. One of them smiles and the uncle says in his language, "Do you want it? It's $150 per hour! They also do services like bathing too!" Waving your hand you said, "no, thanks," and head out.
This is what a (whore)shophouse in Geylang Lorong would look like. But then again, all the shophouses has a distinct design to set it different from each other.
Having never stepped into the red light district of Geylang, this virgin experience is wholly remarkable and unforgettable. I could describe it all to you in great detail, but it'll prove futile, for something this uncompromising is something you have to see for yourself. But here I am, blogging it down, processing everything I've seen at the same time.
To me, Geylang Lorong is a collective of misfits, filled with shophouses, restaurants, condominiums, banks and whatnot, bustling with life behind every corner, nook and cranny. A suburb shunned away from government and despised by society, because of the 'dirty' trades it conduct. It's a place where people come to relax and enjoy, to vent their frustrations without a care in the world. A place to make some quick cash illegally and then fuck off from the scene. The streets are made for the lonely hearts, by the lonely hearts.
Out on the main road and you'll see huge billboards and a sea of people of different ethnicity. The roar of traffic drowns out the conversations. Some are looking for things to buy, while some loiters around at side shops looking at viagra pills. And trust me, you'll just get lost in there if you haven't got any idea of where you wanna go. They have budget shops if you're into snacks and drinks. Clothes are being sold cheaply (Oh man I really need new clothes...) And food can be found almost anywhere, like prostitutes. Just need to locate the right place, which is pretty easy when you have a guide.
Coffee shops are opened into the wee hours of the night. And behind these coffee shops, illegal gambling activities conducted with people placing bets on "big" and "small". Women standing in dark alleys and their pimps smoking away. Men walking with a woman in their arms walk into a hotel. And I glimpsed up the windows of the high rise hotels and hope for a window with curtains drawn, but to no avail. Later on, in one of the deserted roads hidden behind some shophouses, I asked one of them girls where she is from.
"Si Chuan, Cheng Du. Handsome, come on, you wanna have a go?"
"Uh no thank you. Haven't got any money."
"Haiya, then you still ask where I'm from. Hmph won't go with you.", and she saunters away from me, in a slight haughty and flirty mood. Obviously the night is still young. I am sure she found someone willing after a while I left.
My friends and I walked back the same path and now the gambling crowd had gone. In its place, two policemen were handcuffing a man. He was strangely calm. Perhaps he knew this is it. I can safely make the guess that he was either selling pirated DVDs or hosting the illegitimate den. It is quite a sight, really, to see the police in action. I didn't feel proud for them, neither disrespect for the arrested man. It was... Life.
Yes, being there in the heart of Geylang Lorong has brought me some fresh perspective and shed some light on what I already have theorized. And I love it there. It is so amazing for my senses and my thoughts. I was out of my comfort zone that my parents and society has placed me in. To protect me from harm and making mistakes that I'll regret. This is a late accomplishment on my side. I should have gone there when I hit the age of 18. I feel like I've missed out a lot on life.
The FACT of the MATTER is, being in Geylang proves my point:
There is no right or wrong.
There is no right or wrong.
No black or white.
No one is truly evil, and no one is really benign too.
The world is such a complicated place. Yes, like there's a glamorous, squeaky clean side to Singapore, but also there are places like Geylang, where the proletariat struggle to thrive under difficult circumstances.
I used to slightly despise sex workers and people who do illegal trade, and question why do they do it. Now I understand more after this night trip. And I feel sad for them, because of how society threw them away to the gutters and other various reasons. It wasn't their fault to begin with. The ones I truly despise are those who look down on others, and still have the cheek to lie, cheat and cause harm intentionally.
Afterall, we're all trying to make the world a better place. Let's all a step back and realize every single decision that we make has a ripple effect on our future. We're all connected!
Afterall, we're all trying to make the world a better place. Let's all a step back and realize every single decision that we make has a ripple effect on our future. We're all connected!
more than a single drop in a limitless ocean!
Yet, what is an ocean but a multitude of drops?"
- Haskell Moore & Adam Ewing's Last Words
cloud atlas
Monday, July 8, 2013
Nil
Am blogging from camp now. Just wanted to post how infuriating this is. Having nothing to bounce ideas off for short film ideas. I know I am capable of coming up with weird concepts, but this stale, green environment fuming with testosterone is stifling to say the least.
Yi Pann and his liberal partner-in-crime, Hermant, have been showing strange music videos via Youtube. Songs about butts "twerking" and pussies "yankin'". I am just so vulnerable right now... Hur hur.
Hate how I'm eating so much in camp. Meals after meals. I think I direct my boredom to munching. That's not good. I should be writing, thinking, reading and so much more. Eating is just... killing time. And it's not like I eat slowly. I wolfed it down. Fuck man.
Am seriously considering moving out of this place I reluctantly call a second home.
2 more months.
Yi Pann and his liberal partner-in-crime, Hermant, have been showing strange music videos via Youtube. Songs about butts "twerking" and pussies "yankin'". I am just so vulnerable right now... Hur hur.
Hate how I'm eating so much in camp. Meals after meals. I think I direct my boredom to munching. That's not good. I should be writing, thinking, reading and so much more. Eating is just... killing time. And it's not like I eat slowly. I wolfed it down. Fuck man.
Am seriously considering moving out of this place I reluctantly call a second home.
2 more months.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Workplan 2013/2014
Books to read
1. Film books x 2 (For knowledge purposes and study)
2. Murakami book x 1
3. Chuck Palahniuk x 1
4. Neil Gaiman x 2
5. Other fiction books x 4
Miscellaneous: x 1 article to be read every month (boost knowledge and write reflection)
Piano Songs to learn (Boost dexterity!)
- Cloud Atlas (I forgot how to play it by heart haiz)
- Amelie (some songs)
- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind theme
Things to write
1. Short film script (Need to find a suitable theme; so far my ideas seem amatuer-ish)
2. Weekly Blogposts
3. Eunice Pew's MV
Photography/Videography
- CFS projects and events
- 608 SQN's events
- Eunice Pew MV
- Short film with N/Ron
These are the things I plan to do until next year July. Some stuff needs to be done by this year. I hope I can achieve most of them. I'm sure there will be more stuff coming along.
I wish I can go home everyday from camp to do my things. Weekends are simply not enough and they're mainly used for sleeping D=
1. Film books x 2 (For knowledge purposes and study)
2. Murakami book x 1
3. Chuck Palahniuk x 1
4. Neil Gaiman x 2
5. Other fiction books x 4
Miscellaneous: x 1 article to be read every month (boost knowledge and write reflection)
Piano Songs to learn (Boost dexterity!)
- Cloud Atlas (I forgot how to play it by heart haiz)
- Amelie (some songs)
- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind theme
Things to write
1. Short film script (Need to find a suitable theme; so far my ideas seem amatuer-ish)
2. Weekly Blogposts
3. Eunice Pew's MV
Photography/Videography
- CFS projects and events
- 608 SQN's events
- Eunice Pew MV
- Short film with N/Ron
These are the things I plan to do until next year July. Some stuff needs to be done by this year. I hope I can achieve most of them. I'm sure there will be more stuff coming along.
I wish I can go home everyday from camp to do my things. Weekends are simply not enough and they're mainly used for sleeping D=
Saturday, June 29, 2013
My Mind's Eye... Or Whatever
Where do I begin? There are just so much things going on that it's taking quite some time to process them all. So I'm just gonna list 'em all out for you to see/read. I need to highlight that they're not in chronological order.
Books I've read
Kafka On The Shore by Haruki Murakami
The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole by Sue Townsend
Violence 101 by Denis Wright
Villain by Shuichi Yoshida
There is something about in the way how the characters in Kafka and Villain are written and linked to each other in their respective books. Although Violence 101 had good character study of its protagonist, it failed to resonate within me. Whereas, on the other hand, the characters in these 2 books felt personal when it reveals the motive and reason behind each character's decision. Hmm.. The Japanese seems to have a way with their words... Oh yeah, Philip Gabriel: you, Sir, are indeed a fantastic translator. Thank you for allowing me to come aboard these books with ease.
Work
I hate Luke.
It is my first time working under a total asshole. I like my job scope, but I dislike the crude, rude, insensitive, violent and insane person I'm working with.
1. Crude: His jokes about sex with girls and the moaning sounds he makes IN THE OFFICE.
2. Rude: His "Your mother" replies. You can ask him a question OR doing something, and he'll say something along the lines of "That's not what your mother said to me last night,"
3. Insensitive: The recent slashing case at Cineleisure Orchard. "Maybe we should hire some Mats and get them to slash Jordan's face eh!" Jordan is a colleague he doesn't like, because of his "irritating" (I find him articulate but long-winded) conversations. And his unibrow.
4. Violent: He slapped the clerk several times. 'Nuff said.
5. Insane: Blasting music in office when no one's around. And he can be nice sometimes, which confuses me, but maybe he's only trying. I don't know what to make of him.
He has less than a year to go. Time, please go faster D=
N & R's Situation
We are still friends. I am slowly accepting the fact she's actually becoming stable, but still wary of her. But during that time when she ditched me, I think I may have erased the reason why I wanted to be friends with her. And I've been toying with the question ever since we made up: Is there any thing left for me to hang on to her? Or should I just let her fade away from my life?
I think N is maturing, finally. I think some of the credit goes to Jo Yin. None to me. I don't think I ever said something that is life-changing to anyone. Hmm...
And because of how N and Ron has severed ties, I am smacked right in the middle between these two. Talking to Ron about N has always been a difficult and awkward topic for me. Likewise to N about Ron. And possibly, my loyalty is being questioned. Whose side am I on? I'd like to be on both, but judging by the current circumstances, it'll be hard one to balance.
Videography
I might be involved in some productions before this year ends. None of them are confirmed, but N is trying to get me involved in a music video that is sung by her friend. Things will be easier, now that I have a camera of my own =D
I haven't directed my short film script (The carpark one), yet I am thinking of other film ideas.
I have one scene in my head where a younger brother happen to see her elder sister engaging coitus in her room and then later on, he replays the scene he'd seen with toys in her presence. Need development, shit.
Don't know if I'm purposely running away from bigger productions because of my fear for "Need for perfection", or I'm just trying to hold back because of other commitments. Haiz, fuck man..
Creo Desserts
A lot has happened in the past few weeks. I can't really discuss them, but I really do hope this business overcomes its problems and takes off soon. It hasn't been easy dealing with a ticking bomb at home that is my sister. And it's not her fault. It's just the amount of stress she's accumulated has led her to explode on several occasions.
Just the other day, she and my mother had a catfight, because my mother stupidly used the kitchen when my elder sister specifically told her not to the previous night... Then again, it was interesting to watch the both of them fight it out. It was cool to see towels and comb being thrown and flinging of limbs. Don't worry, everything's good now.
Wish everything will slowly work itself out..
Money
Budget is so tight that I am restricting myself nearly to all goodness that the world has to offer. No purchase of CD albums (I REALLY WANNA BUY YA PHOENIX AND DAFT PUNK!), no new clothes (BAGGY CLOTHES FTW) and I can't go to restaurants (Only once in a while, but it still kills me)
I have meticulously planned that $200 is taken out every month for uni studies. Plus I'm planning an overseas trip with Zhao De to go to Philippines visit Agassi in 2014 March. That's like $70/month worth of savings I gotta do. So I'm left with $180 per month to spend on travel, army phone bills, weekend spendings and disposable spending on snacks.
And I had just asked my younger sis to help me spend $50 on Color Run Singapore. So I guess that I gotta return her bit by bit every month... Fuck I'm so broke. I'm left $45 to spend till the next pay comes in on the 10th July.. $*&!?@!#~
September
When this month comes, I don't know how to exactly cope with Ron's departure. Have been thinking about it, since the day she told me. I'm anticipating it and I'm nervous to say the least. Don't wanna delve any further, because I am worried she would chance upon this.
fin
Books I've read
Kafka On The Shore by Haruki Murakami
The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole by Sue Townsend
Violence 101 by Denis Wright
Villain by Shuichi Yoshida
There is something about in the way how the characters in Kafka and Villain are written and linked to each other in their respective books. Although Violence 101 had good character study of its protagonist, it failed to resonate within me. Whereas, on the other hand, the characters in these 2 books felt personal when it reveals the motive and reason behind each character's decision. Hmm.. The Japanese seems to have a way with their words... Oh yeah, Philip Gabriel: you, Sir, are indeed a fantastic translator. Thank you for allowing me to come aboard these books with ease.
Work
I hate Luke.
It is my first time working under a total asshole. I like my job scope, but I dislike the crude, rude, insensitive, violent and insane person I'm working with.
1. Crude: His jokes about sex with girls and the moaning sounds he makes IN THE OFFICE.
2. Rude: His "Your mother" replies. You can ask him a question OR doing something, and he'll say something along the lines of "That's not what your mother said to me last night,"
3. Insensitive: The recent slashing case at Cineleisure Orchard. "Maybe we should hire some Mats and get them to slash Jordan's face eh!" Jordan is a colleague he doesn't like, because of his "irritating" (I find him articulate but long-winded) conversations. And his unibrow.
4. Violent: He slapped the clerk several times. 'Nuff said.
5. Insane: Blasting music in office when no one's around. And he can be nice sometimes, which confuses me, but maybe he's only trying. I don't know what to make of him.
He has less than a year to go. Time, please go faster D=
N & R's Situation
We are still friends. I am slowly accepting the fact she's actually becoming stable, but still wary of her. But during that time when she ditched me, I think I may have erased the reason why I wanted to be friends with her. And I've been toying with the question ever since we made up: Is there any thing left for me to hang on to her? Or should I just let her fade away from my life?
I think N is maturing, finally. I think some of the credit goes to Jo Yin. None to me. I don't think I ever said something that is life-changing to anyone. Hmm...
And because of how N and Ron has severed ties, I am smacked right in the middle between these two. Talking to Ron about N has always been a difficult and awkward topic for me. Likewise to N about Ron. And possibly, my loyalty is being questioned. Whose side am I on? I'd like to be on both, but judging by the current circumstances, it'll be hard one to balance.
Videography
I might be involved in some productions before this year ends. None of them are confirmed, but N is trying to get me involved in a music video that is sung by her friend. Things will be easier, now that I have a camera of my own =D
I haven't directed my short film script (The carpark one), yet I am thinking of other film ideas.
I have one scene in my head where a younger brother happen to see her elder sister engaging coitus in her room and then later on, he replays the scene he'd seen with toys in her presence. Need development, shit.
Don't know if I'm purposely running away from bigger productions because of my fear for "Need for perfection", or I'm just trying to hold back because of other commitments. Haiz, fuck man..
Creo Desserts
A lot has happened in the past few weeks. I can't really discuss them, but I really do hope this business overcomes its problems and takes off soon. It hasn't been easy dealing with a ticking bomb at home that is my sister. And it's not her fault. It's just the amount of stress she's accumulated has led her to explode on several occasions.
Just the other day, she and my mother had a catfight, because my mother stupidly used the kitchen when my elder sister specifically told her not to the previous night... Then again, it was interesting to watch the both of them fight it out. It was cool to see towels and comb being thrown and flinging of limbs. Don't worry, everything's good now.
Wish everything will slowly work itself out..
Money
Budget is so tight that I am restricting myself nearly to all goodness that the world has to offer. No purchase of CD albums (I REALLY WANNA BUY YA PHOENIX AND DAFT PUNK!), no new clothes (BAGGY CLOTHES FTW) and I can't go to restaurants (Only once in a while, but it still kills me)
I have meticulously planned that $200 is taken out every month for uni studies. Plus I'm planning an overseas trip with Zhao De to go to Philippines visit Agassi in 2014 March. That's like $70/month worth of savings I gotta do. So I'm left with $180 per month to spend on travel, army phone bills, weekend spendings and disposable spending on snacks.
And I had just asked my younger sis to help me spend $50 on Color Run Singapore. So I guess that I gotta return her bit by bit every month... Fuck I'm so broke. I'm left $45 to spend till the next pay comes in on the 10th July.. $*&!?@!#~
September
When this month comes, I don't know how to exactly cope with Ron's departure. Have been thinking about it, since the day she told me. I'm anticipating it and I'm nervous to say the least. Don't wanna delve any further, because I am worried she would chance upon this.
fin
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Upbeat & Vivacious
Oh, the things I would give for a gift that is a pair of magic jazz hands and a warm, husky voice...
1) All At Sea 1:38
2) Just One Of Those Things 9:11
3) Get Your Way 15:15
4) I Ruled The World 21:37
5) Twentysomething 28:09
6)What A Difference 34:22
7) It Ain't Necessarily So 40:33
8) Love Ain't Gonna Let You Down 45:18
9) You And Me Are Gone 49:58
10) Blame It On My Youth 58:13
11) Don't Stop The Music 1:03:04
12) Land of Beginning Again 1:08:05
13) Mixtape 1:12:30
14) These Are The Days 1:18:50
15) Gran Torino 1:24:33
Jamie Cullum, the company you've kept me on lonely, rainy nights..
1) All At Sea 1:38
2) Just One Of Those Things 9:11
3) Get Your Way 15:15
4) I Ruled The World 21:37
5) Twentysomething 28:09
6)What A Difference 34:22
7) It Ain't Necessarily So 40:33
8) Love Ain't Gonna Let You Down 45:18
9) You And Me Are Gone 49:58
10) Blame It On My Youth 58:13
11) Don't Stop The Music 1:03:04
12) Land of Beginning Again 1:08:05
13) Mixtape 1:12:30
14) These Are The Days 1:18:50
15) Gran Torino 1:24:33
Jamie Cullum, the company you've kept me on lonely, rainy nights..
Friday, May 24, 2013
Life As a Stay-In HQ Personnel
"A great movie is very much like Life itself. No single great movie goes on to be a classic without having a few flaws here and there. Some shots may be crooked and there may be some plotholes. However, when you look it as a whole and not pinpoint individual scenes, you may find yourself looking at a complete film that has fulfilled its purpose." - Yi Peng, a fellow CABian friend
After a long and expensive weekend with my friends (that can be described as all that cooking, Subway, little birthday cakes and movie treats... Gosh), I haven't got any options but to stay in camp, so as to save of what's left in my wallet.
But the probably most rewarding thing about staying in is that you get to know more people.
After that good run on Monday night, I came back to the Pass Office and met this guy named Scott. Scott studied in Millennia Institute and was involved in a non-profit charity organization called CHOICE Family (Singapore). Right after I told him what my interests are, he immediately shot out a proposition if I am interested in doing some videos for the organization, because they would be heading to Cambodia, Phnom Pehn, to build a community centre for the villagers there.
I told him, I would love to jump right into it. And besides, I had just acquired a camera. It's a terrific chance for me to hone my skills! BUT, I can only leave if everything works out for me. Because it's applying leave for an overseas trip. You just can't drop everything and leave without some paperwork, you know... So we'll see how that goes. Renewing passports and making sure there's someone to cover my job post when I'm out of the country...
At one point in our conversation, Scott became wisely and said along the lines of "It is never about how much you know your contacts, but rather the breadth of your contacts." Because, you'll never know when these seemingly, random acquaintances will help you in a part of your life. For example, you may know someone who is a scientist and he or she's not very significant, but the person can provide you useful info to protect yourself from dangerous germs or things that.
I got to agree, he is right about that.
Then just yesterday, I was having dinner in the pantry room and my security trooper friend, whom I bonded with via our mutual interest for movies, came along. We talked at great length about Daft Punk's new album and films, of course, while we ate. Which led us to that quote at the start of this post.
I did thought about it before, but never did it came to me so clearly in the form that he spoke. And it makes so much sense to me.. As much as I judge movies, I don't find every good film filled with perfect moments, but it's when you put everything together, it is a perfectly, complete film with solid story-telling.
Two more weeks to go before the next pay comes... Well, at least I've got some cup noodles in camp. Yay~
Daft Punk Feat. Paul Williams - Touch
(Needs earphones to listen to this brilliant conceived/mixed song)
After a long and expensive weekend with my friends (that can be described as all that cooking, Subway, little birthday cakes and movie treats... Gosh), I haven't got any options but to stay in camp, so as to save of what's left in my wallet.
Okay, maybe I'm not really broke broke, but I do have plans for the future, you know.. I'm taking out $200 out of my salary every month, trying to save what little I have for a sustainable overseas education. I calculated, you see.. If I'm able, and I must, to squeeze out $200 for 24 months worth of salary, I would have 4,800 bucks at the end of my NS period.
It's not a very promising figure, I know. But I'm going to start a career to save up even more after I'm done with this lousy government job. And then I'll fly away to some other country, and learn the ropes of film-making. And I probably won't make it big till I'm 40. I am in for a long, tough winter, I suppose..
My family is going to support my dreams, but I do not wish for my ambitious plans to jeopardize my family financially and bankrupt the heck out of them. They've given me a life to live, and in the future, I want to continue it by my own means. I'm not one of those sons whose plan is to distance themselves from their parents, because his parents feel like it's his responsibility to pay back everything back to them. I'm just trying to lighten my family's burden. I don't know, maybe I feel like I'm causing everyone trouble...
Anyway, though I do not have much to do in camp, because technically I end work at 5:30PM every day, I have a lot of free time to myself to do the things that I want.
On Monday night, I went for a jog, while the other stay-in HQ friend accompanied me on his DMX stunt bike. And our journey took us from Changi Airbase West to SAF Ferry Terminal, where we made a pit stop and then to Changi Village. It was a damn good run, I swear. And I had another squadron run on Wednesday morning, which was about 3KM long. I was among the first 50 people (I think?) to finish the run. I am quite impressed with myself. One year ago, I would've have started crawling at the 1KM mark.
But the probably most rewarding thing about staying in is that you get to know more people.
After that good run on Monday night, I came back to the Pass Office and met this guy named Scott. Scott studied in Millennia Institute and was involved in a non-profit charity organization called CHOICE Family (Singapore). Right after I told him what my interests are, he immediately shot out a proposition if I am interested in doing some videos for the organization, because they would be heading to Cambodia, Phnom Pehn, to build a community centre for the villagers there.
I told him, I would love to jump right into it. And besides, I had just acquired a camera. It's a terrific chance for me to hone my skills! BUT, I can only leave if everything works out for me. Because it's applying leave for an overseas trip. You just can't drop everything and leave without some paperwork, you know... So we'll see how that goes. Renewing passports and making sure there's someone to cover my job post when I'm out of the country...
At one point in our conversation, Scott became wisely and said along the lines of "It is never about how much you know your contacts, but rather the breadth of your contacts." Because, you'll never know when these seemingly, random acquaintances will help you in a part of your life. For example, you may know someone who is a scientist and he or she's not very significant, but the person can provide you useful info to protect yourself from dangerous germs or things that.
I got to agree, he is right about that.
Then just yesterday, I was having dinner in the pantry room and my security trooper friend, whom I bonded with via our mutual interest for movies, came along. We talked at great length about Daft Punk's new album and films, of course, while we ate. Which led us to that quote at the start of this post.
I did thought about it before, but never did it came to me so clearly in the form that he spoke. And it makes so much sense to me.. As much as I judge movies, I don't find every good film filled with perfect moments, but it's when you put everything together, it is a perfectly, complete film with solid story-telling.
Two more weeks to go before the next pay comes... Well, at least I've got some cup noodles in camp. Yay~
Daft Punk Feat. Paul Williams - Touch
(Needs earphones to listen to this brilliant conceived/mixed song)
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Workplace Irony
I have settled into a tiny, comfortable pace of life in my unit. (I've no idea if this is grammatically correct)
It's boring, but at least those guys have something for me to do and pass the time. Now, I have left 1.5 years more to go. It's not getting easier as the days go by.
So news came around, a few days back, that they wish for me to go back to driving course. My superior has sent an e-mail to the HQ, asking what is the next suitable plan for me. Do I re-vocate or do I continue on as a vocational driver? This is a news that brings about a mixed bag of emotions.
"Oh God, not this horrendous course again... Can I please stay here and do all this senseless work?"
"Oh yes, a second chance to do this again! Am gonna try to ace it this time! THINK about the challenges you can overcome, trying to balance your civilian and infantry life! THINK OF YOUR PERSONAL VICTORIES "
"Fuck, I wasn't even doing that well before. Will definitely be wasting my time if I made it all the way to the eighth test attempt and still failed it,"
"Oh well, but at least you will have wasted 3 months of your time in army. Aaannddd, that's a good thing!;D -thumbs up-"
"Yah, and then what? You seriously want to waste that fucking 3 months on something others can pass within 4-5 attempts? Whatever happened to your vow to make these 2 years worth something?"
"Yah, but I can do that in my unit as a clerk too! I'll get daily training everyday, trying to learn how to macro-manage all those tasks and interacting with my colleagues,"
"Hmm... I'm hungry again."
My friend's right outside my house now. Going for jog. Will have to continue this another time.
Or not.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Reignition of Beautiful Lies
So yeah, borrowed a couple of books from the library with the help of Ron on Sunday. Somehow, most of them came from the young adults section. Not that I have a gripe with that. Just an observation that how much young adult books still entertain me.
One book that I came across was called Emily Strange: Stranger & Stranger.
To my understanding, Emily Strange was based on a brand. A clothing brand or something. It features a image of a young, goth-like girl who has all these weird collection or something. But that's all I know. The last I read was Chloe Grace Moretz, of Hit-Girl fame, was in talks to star as the titular character in a film. But there has been no update so far on that project...
Anyhoo... Finished the book within a day and a half, if not for those pestering NS work..
Emily Strange is quite an awesome book. As in, the style of writing (First-person Narrative) is so juvenile, but at the same time, the ideas and the way Emily presents herself says otherwise. She is still a kid, but with a huge ego and she collects weird things. And she has this sense of respect for obscure heroes/celebrities from the past that kids her age don't normally do. Like Marlene Dietrich. Hell I don't even know her, except that I heard her name in a Wes Anderson movie.
What's the next interesting thing about her? Oh she invented a cat-translator, created a golem named Raven (a robot made from carcasses of birds and random things) and managed to duplicate herself by mistake.
I've read/watched movies where main characters clone themselves and then faces an ethical dilemma. This was a different approach. Because Emily is such an unorthodox character, but somehow you can imagine her being a real person in our world with her vulnerabilities, insecurities and ego. Then reading the book in Emily's voice is quite a delight.
Parts I liked:
1. Her doubts about herself as to whether she was the real Emily or not.
2. Suspicions about "OtherMe", as she calls the other Emily.
2. Her discovery of her duplicate being the evil-doer (Predictable, saw it coming but nonetheless awesome)
4. Her plan of stitching her evil twin to herself in the end. (Yeah, gotta have the suspend of disbelief)
5. The snakeskin-like peel
Anyway, you have all these fictional inventions, which I rarely encounter in books, and the characters are so absurd that it sucks you into that fantasy world.
However, I'm surprised how mature this book is. As in, for a young adult fiction book, it explores many themes, like identity and coming to terms with your own flaws. I'm sure there are other themes, but I missed them. Maybe I forgot how young adult books were like, but this was a decent, good read for the marathon start.
Yeah, I vow to start reading books again. It will be part of my daily life from now on. Neil Gaiman, Chuck Palahniuk and Haruki Murakami, I'm coming for you guys. Just wait... And maybe some Stephen King books.
Which book shall I read next?
I apologise for this hasty, lousy post=/ Aite, goodnight. THANKS LIBRARY AND RONNIE
One book that I came across was called Emily Strange: Stranger & Stranger.
To my understanding, Emily Strange was based on a brand. A clothing brand or something. It features a image of a young, goth-like girl who has all these weird collection or something. But that's all I know. The last I read was Chloe Grace Moretz, of Hit-Girl fame, was in talks to star as the titular character in a film. But there has been no update so far on that project...
Anyhoo... Finished the book within a day and a half, if not for those pestering NS work..
Emily Strange is quite an awesome book. As in, the style of writing (First-person Narrative) is so juvenile, but at the same time, the ideas and the way Emily presents herself says otherwise. She is still a kid, but with a huge ego and she collects weird things. And she has this sense of respect for obscure heroes/celebrities from the past that kids her age don't normally do. Like Marlene Dietrich. Hell I don't even know her, except that I heard her name in a Wes Anderson movie.
I've read/watched movies where main characters clone themselves and then faces an ethical dilemma. This was a different approach. Because Emily is such an unorthodox character, but somehow you can imagine her being a real person in our world with her vulnerabilities, insecurities and ego. Then reading the book in Emily's voice is quite a delight.
Parts I liked:
1. Her doubts about herself as to whether she was the real Emily or not.
2. Suspicions about "OtherMe", as she calls the other Emily.
2. Her discovery of her duplicate being the evil-doer (Predictable, saw it coming but nonetheless awesome)
4. Her plan of stitching her evil twin to herself in the end. (Yeah, gotta have the suspend of disbelief)
5. The snakeskin-like peel
Anyway, you have all these fictional inventions, which I rarely encounter in books, and the characters are so absurd that it sucks you into that fantasy world.
However, I'm surprised how mature this book is. As in, for a young adult fiction book, it explores many themes, like identity and coming to terms with your own flaws. I'm sure there are other themes, but I missed them. Maybe I forgot how young adult books were like, but this was a decent, good read for the marathon start.
Yeah, I vow to start reading books again. It will be part of my daily life from now on. Neil Gaiman, Chuck Palahniuk and Haruki Murakami, I'm coming for you guys. Just wait... And maybe some Stephen King books.
Which book shall I read next?
I apologise for this hasty, lousy post=/ Aite, goodnight. THANKS LIBRARY AND RONNIE
Short Film Ahoy~!
Back in March, I decided to capture some footage of Eastpoint and wanted to do a documentary regarding the residents' sentiments on the mall itself. But people were camera-shy and I had approached them in the wrong manner. A man stopped what I was doing and reprimanded me for not introducing myself to people proper.
I deserved that. Should have known better. Skills are rusty, I guess..
After some time, an idea came to my mind. The theme "Change". It was a theme that resonated with me deeply, since stupid NS had disrupted all my dreams and then tearing my intricate layers one by one. Thank God, I'm the self-aware type...
So this is a result of me trying to reflect upon my thoughts and also showing clips of an empty Eastpoint. Both seems to go hand in hand anyway.
Gah, I think I did a horrible job explaining. Need to sort out the vocabulary in that brain of mine..
Just enjoy the video=D
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Some Sickly Perspective
There's no better way to put this: Hooray, I'm sick!
Got diagnosed with dengue fever a few days back. Fever was as high as 39.1 degrees. Now I'm just having sporadic pains in all parts of my body and the constant sleepiness. Not to mention, I've lost interest in, literally, everything except for piano.
It's awfully lonely to be in this miserable, big house. With everyone busy with their commitments, no one has the time to put a cold ice towel on my forehead, to wake me up for dinner, to apply ointment on my uncomfortable, gassy stomach... To spend time with me generally. I'm sick and I'm managing on my own. Pretty much like my elder sister when she's sick...
I don't even know how the hell did I got bitten by a damn mosquito! I'm the only one out of the 44 people in my driving course group who got bit. And I was so near to completing my driving course. Now there's a chance I gotta recourse. Which means retaking all the tests that I've passed. And I don't want to report to that camp anymore! It's such a depressing place. It starts so early and it ends late.
The whole army experience is making me grow backwards and making me hate myself even more. You know the feeling of being in a like-minded group of friends and then you're forced to watch your friends move on faster and faster while you're the damn tortoise who just crawls ever so slowly. After a while, you start to realize, "We're not on the same frequency here. Maybe we should stop being friends. All I'm doing is pulling you guys back and offer nothing beneficial to you."
Of course I want to continue being friends with these people, but I look at them, and they don't look back at me, even when I'm sick. And new friends are always hard for me to make. Especially when people are already in cliques.
But I appreciate the Security Flight people from my squadron. Some of them actually came down to the hospital to check up on me after work. Which is the least they have done and I'm grateful. Thanks Shermund, Oswin and Aaron..=)
Friday, March 22, 2013
Check Left&Right Mirror, Beware of Vehicles Overtaking and Motorcycles Squeezing. Signal "Right", Check Blindspot and Confirm Safe. Then Proceed Safely
I can't dangle fancy words around no more, so I'm gonna be straightforward.
I had tears streaming down today. I sat in that empty enormous, air-conditioned room and cried to myself. I am angry at the establishment, disappointed with my inability to make things right and moreover (God, I don't even know if I'm using that word "moreover" accurately), I feel fucked by my current circumstances.
I don't even know where to begin.
I sorta got dumped by N, because she couldn't stand being around with such an angry and violent man like myself. I totally get it. I'm violent by nature, I think. I inherited that from my father. But I am trying to change the energy into a positive one. And where did that energy come from?
I guess you can say that it comes from the many, many disappointments I have for myself.
1. My inability to write cohesive sentences and stories.
2. Lacking the creativity pond to dip in for a mind like mine.
3. Unable to make short films
4. Loss of intellectual ideas and beliefs
5. Loss of advices for friends
6. Too tired to make an effort to exercise my mind
7. Lost touch with world affairs
8. Social circle slowly decreasing (like there is one to begin with -.-)
9. Social skills are getting worse.
10. English skills are getting worse.
11. I can't do strenuous mental calculations anymore.
12. I don't have time to creatively participate in an activity.
13. Unable to get help for my elder sister's foodie business.
And I was annoyed that N called me a "woman". I have a lot of things on my mind that day and army's causing me short-term memory loss.. It didn't help that she was joking, while I was rushing to get my essential items. I always found it a sexist statement but I usually just ignore it. But something just snapped that day. And the maid, Ani, gave me an answer to my question with an attitude, that I just blew my top off.
*Note that I did not say "Request"
At least school was enjoyable you know. Driving course is just full of ugh. But I don't really quite know how to make of it.
I always knew army life was going to change me. I only didn't know it was a really drastic change. Hell, I can deal with discipline and regiment because I was once from a military school band. Why is it that I'm always having a difficult time adjusting to all of it?
I am tired. Shall continue next time.
I had tears streaming down today. I sat in that empty enormous, air-conditioned room and cried to myself. I am angry at the establishment, disappointed with my inability to make things right and moreover (God, I don't even know if I'm using that word "moreover" accurately), I feel fucked by my current circumstances.
I don't even know where to begin.
I sorta got dumped by N, because she couldn't stand being around with such an angry and violent man like myself. I totally get it. I'm violent by nature, I think. I inherited that from my father. But I am trying to change the energy into a positive one. And where did that energy come from?
I guess you can say that it comes from the many, many disappointments I have for myself.
1. My inability to write cohesive sentences and stories.
2. Lacking the creativity pond to dip in for a mind like mine.
3. Unable to make short films
4. Loss of intellectual ideas and beliefs
5. Loss of advices for friends
6. Too tired to make an effort to exercise my mind
7. Lost touch with world affairs
8. Social circle slowly decreasing (like there is one to begin with -.-)
9. Social skills are getting worse.
10. English skills are getting worse.
11. I can't do strenuous mental calculations anymore.
12. I don't have time to creatively participate in an activity.
13. Unable to get help for my elder sister's foodie business.
And I was annoyed that N called me a "woman". I have a lot of things on my mind that day and army's causing me short-term memory loss.. It didn't help that she was joking, while I was rushing to get my essential items. I always found it a sexist statement but I usually just ignore it. But something just snapped that day. And the maid, Ani, gave me an answer to my question with an attitude, that I just blew my top off.
*Note that I did not say "Request"
At least school was enjoyable you know. Driving course is just full of ugh. But I don't really quite know how to make of it.
I always knew army life was going to change me. I only didn't know it was a really drastic change. Hell, I can deal with discipline and regiment because I was once from a military school band. Why is it that I'm always having a difficult time adjusting to all of it?
I am tired. Shall continue next time.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Postmordem of a Dead Language
When I was suddenly tasked with a nearly impossible essay to write, it's a daunting and scary feeling that overwhelm my insides. How was I suppose to write again after many months of inactivity. Honestly, I rather pick up music again and play the piano to my heart's content. Or even just jamming and whacking the drums would be the preferable choice of expressing myself. Not through words, this time, I'm afraid.
The art form of essay is lost on me. It's not that I am hesitant about writing. It's that the words, the vocabulary, the sentences and beautiful phrases aren't coming to me. And it seems for now, that musical stanzas and chords are more relatable to me than English.
Plus, the essay that N proposed to me has to be about how my family has affected my judgement on people, environment and, basically, things around me. Spanning over 21 years, little did I realize that my life is actually a tremendous source of anecdotes. How am I suppose to condense all those stories into an essay and then reflecting on my parents' and siblings' actions?
Yeah I know it's possible. But there are just too many stories to recount and it takes time and inspiration to come up with the descriptive language to properly address them from how I saw things happened.
So instead of writing my essay, I have absconded to my bedroom, while that crazy English teacher of a nut friend is downstairs playing the goddamned piano, to blog about not being able to ascend to anything.
Funny thing is, I have written some stuff...
I guess it's a start? Slow start though..
Like my driving instructor said to me yesterday at the driving course: Don't ganchiong. Would you rather be safe or dead?
The art form of essay is lost on me. It's not that I am hesitant about writing. It's that the words, the vocabulary, the sentences and beautiful phrases aren't coming to me. And it seems for now, that musical stanzas and chords are more relatable to me than English.
Plus, the essay that N proposed to me has to be about how my family has affected my judgement on people, environment and, basically, things around me. Spanning over 21 years, little did I realize that my life is actually a tremendous source of anecdotes. How am I suppose to condense all those stories into an essay and then reflecting on my parents' and siblings' actions?
Yeah I know it's possible. But there are just too many stories to recount and it takes time and inspiration to come up with the descriptive language to properly address them from how I saw things happened.
So instead of writing my essay, I have absconded to my bedroom, while that crazy English teacher of a nut friend is downstairs playing the goddamned piano, to blog about not being able to ascend to anything.
Funny thing is, I have written some stuff...
I guess it's a start? Slow start though..
Like my driving instructor said to me yesterday at the driving course: Don't ganchiong. Would you rather be safe or dead?
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Down to Middle-Earth
You know that feeling that you're a dreamer, and suddenly all those wonderful, ambitious ideas just crumble and crash to the ground, because you just learnt that the world is a sick and devious place with money-grabbers, opportunity-destroyers, materialistic-monsters and rigid-mindless fuckers. And then you feel so out of place and out of sync with everybody.
I am looking beyond my Comfort Mountains and it is a dark, dark land of Skepticism ahead. Like Frodo, I am not sure if I'll make it back alive in peace.
Where do I go from here, dear Sam? ... Sam? Saaaammm??!
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