Overthinking, Maybe?

I pose a lot of questions to my friends, but despite the positive answers, I still feel very insecure about myself.

Like I don't know how to behave in front of them. Maybe XJ's right, I still haven't decided who I want to be.

Or maybe, deep inside, I'm just a selfish boy.

Tsk, I wish I knew how to behave without having to think so much about my every action and words chosen...It's driving me nuts...

Or am I a really shallow person who's trying to see the depth to everything?

...

...

I am thinking way too much...

Problem solved: Insecurity's the answer.

Gotta start having confidence in myself...Don't overthink, Xing You, don't.

Just do it.

Light Up and Bugsy Malone

Probably the best music video I've seen in a long time...

And this one is pretty brilliant...Shot on Steadycam with no cuts. I read that this took EIGHT takes...Phew, Edgar Wright took a big risk with this one, in my opinion..

Make Love, Not War

Ever watch war movies?

There's this main guy with the nervous and scared look on his face. He's holding this rifle and charging on the sands with oversized spikes all over the beach. Explosions occurring everywhere and little debris hitting people. Sounds of gunshots, cannons fired, people screaming in pain and shouting commands all mixed into a soundtrack of imminent death. The injury count is rising, slowly followed by the death count.

This soldier didn't ask to be here. He was forced into it by his country and they expect him to die in battle with honour. That's after he made a few kills...Well, if you have to die, why not take down a few enemies with you? It's more satisfying, I guess.

I feel like this poor, poor dude, you know? So much bad things popping out like bunnies in holes and you're slowly losing hope in the battle you're fighting. I didn't ask to be in this situation, it was given to me. And every time I try to carry on to the next stage, I feel like my responsibilities get heavier.

Life is almost like a game, if you will. Maybe I'm approaching this the Scott-Pilgrim way...It's like I have reached the castle and you know what? That damned maiden tells me that the Princess is in another castle and you have to fight even more difficult foes in the next level...Mind you, I never even completed Super Mario before. =/

You know what's the thing that keeps me going fighting these battles? It's Love...and I ain't feeling the Love.

Can someone (I'm really asking this to my loyal and arguably fervent readers) please, please fill my mug with Love.

I am seriously in need of hugs.

Dickheads of the World

I don't know what it is with Men in general.

Times and times again, the men whom I trust are breaking their wedding vows. Why do they do that? I don't get it. You have a family, a shelter over your head, a loving wife who is always nagging but still loves you for who you are.

You stupid men have the things that I want to have in my future! Why the FUCK do you have to go out and find other women and destroy that beautiful thing you have back at home? Gah! This post is on the verge of cliches that no one wants to know.

I am very disappointed...Never in my life have I been so dissapointed in people other than myself.

They are having an effect on me, you know? I'm not sure if I can ever love a woman without thinking one day she's gonna cheat on me and run off with another man. And with a mindset so fucked, will there be a girl who will still like me with all this emotional baggage? I don't think so...

An X-Box 360, a telly, a MacBook. A room of my own. I thought I have it all. Apparently not, my whole existence isn't complete without a happy family...

I used to be proud of the fact that I can come back home from all the craziness outside and enjoy in the company with my sisters. Now, it's turned into a shit-hole and I don't like coming back home anymore.

Babbling of Friendships and Whatnot

*Original title was "Relationships", but due to the digression, it has changed to the aforementioned above

"Relationships of the 21st Century are a little more complicated than just selfish affairs and lost feelings..." - Me

Maybe it's just me? I don't know but I feel that relationships at my age are hard to handle. And I'm not just talking about relationship you have with your boyfriends and girlfriends, though the quote above seems otherwise.

I'm talking about friendships too.

Friendships for me are hard to handle. Not that I hardly care about them. It's just...Friends...they come and go. Like for example, during this period, you have Set A of friends...In the next period, it's Set B of friends. "Period" can also mean "Phase of your life". Like how you're going through a joyous albeit stressful time in school and a tough time at work. If you haven't notice and start looking at your whole life from a different standpoint other than yourself, you've been having a different set of friends in every about 4-5 years time...

Maybe it's just me...I mean yeah, sure you and the oldies still remain in contact...But your main friends are no longer there. Mine are replaced by some weirdos from some other schools...XJ is probably the only guy that I can click with.

Jon and Ali...I'm not so hot on them. They're nice people but their minds are fucked. Sometimes I just turn my brain off when I'm talking to them... Especially when they're badmouthing people and suggesting some crude and violent gestures involving a handgun. I don't like how they talk..."Manly...", "Fierce.." and "Trauma...". God, I'm beginning to sound like them. I'm not a loser, neither am I a Popeye-esque person. I am just a normal boy growing up with his weird little nuances.

Shit...I'm back where I left it.

Wrapping that up, I know who I am and if you don't like me because of what I am...Suck it up.

I digressed too much. What I meant to say is, it's hard trying to pay attention down to all the little details that my friends have. Zhao De still plays Pokemon on his laptop. Xiang Chou got drunk and high his first time on Absolute Vodka. XJ's a faithful and staunch believer of God. Zaidah loves Subway's Oatmeal Cookies...

I'm not saying it's a chore to remember all these. It's just the way how my mind works. Everything is gotta be organized and systematic. Categorized. Shelved. Grouped. Measured. Blah blah blah...I can go on... I just hate myself for showing my love for friends that I hung out recently. Recency is a problem here. I can't ...Dammit I'm just blabbing on and on about shit that don't make sense...

Okay...Here's an ultimatum.

I don't want my friends, old or new, to think I'm selfish, unloving and conceited. Just because I don't communicate with you doesn't mean I have forgotten about you. Unless you're a friend that caused some serious distress in the past and I hate you, then I wouldn't be very interested in talking with you on MSN *coughs* Bobby!

If you and I consider ourselves as awesome good friends, don't ever leave me. I know we have stuff to pursue in the future and I'll understand why you can't make it for our meet-ups. I'll try to remember all the things you told me you like and dislike. Most importantly, I will always be here for you if you need to talk. Just drop me a message on MSN or a call, I will be there in a jiffy... That's if I'm totally free and can stop doing whatever the hell I'm doing.

Su Juen, no matter how much I apologise, I know it can't right the wrong that I did to you. You are a one of the many sources of inspiration of life to me. I love the advices you gave. The Subway cookies you treated me. The meet-ups and stories...I love you, girl. I love you very much...And though things will never be same between you and me, my mistakes in this friendship will always serve as a reminder to treasure my other relationships with my close mates.

For my old buddies of ease and comfort: Andrew, Xiang Chou, Zheng Qian, Wei Lin, Zhao De, Agassi, Shaun, Farhan, Lynn...You guys will always be the best of the best...

For my relatively new awesome friends: XJ, Zaidah, Amanda, Jo Yin, Cassandra and Ron (Ruo Nan)...You guys make my Poly life a little less bleak and a lot more joyous with the love and fun...

I have nothing but gracious and Love in me...

Oh wait, IDEA! *snaps finger*

...This is a start of a LovePost Trilogy.

Cheers...

PS. Su Juen was a senior of mine. She was my favourite. And she has a cute chipmunk face.

**Blogger under the influence of sleepiness. If the post does not make sense, please report to blogger with a phone call and say "Dude, you suck!"...That ought to do it.