wallow in nostalgia amid the digital grid of deep affection

I've been wanting to write about relationships, but had been unable to do so after a crushing, fatal blow from a separation. You could say that it really stopped me from writing. Feelings like these are extremely difficult to express, let alone talk about with other friends. Isolation wasn't my only option, but it provided me a necessary void to grieve unintelligibly. It is such a personal glass ball of emotions that it demands to be felt and not conveyed, that's why I never bothered to attempt to describe it to anyone.

Some weeks back, I came across a quote from Charlie Lim on Twitter. I had never agreed with someone this strongly before and I just want to share it.

Looking back on what happened and how it came to be, the separation was inevitable. I always believe that if a relationship breaks apart, it is never the fault of one person. Sometimes both partners are at fault, sometimes it's just a circumstance issue. We like point fingers at each other and other reasons, but we hardly look back on ourselves. Which brings me to this tweet. If you replace "things" with "people", you'd get the same results.

For a real-life example, I'm going to use my own doomed relationship with Ron. God knows I loved her. She may not admit and see it, but she was the pillar of strength that I needed at that time. Initially it was an abusive experience, but we made it into our own complex, little love. We weren't in a relationship, but we shared almost everything.

That's all I'm gonna say, because I'm not here to reiterate how "perfect" we are for each other, but how wrong we were. At one point, Ron told me that she'd like for us to remain close friends and nothing more. But did we do that? Not really. We became even closer. So close that her then-boyfriend started to become jealous, because she was spending so much time with me. And, sadly for him, I knew her better than him. The fact was, she knew she was leading me on, although unintentionally, and me holding back my love is an impossible task.

So I kept investing in a couple-relationship that never crossed Ron's mind, while she was hoping our platonic friendship would last long. Our expectations were not aligned with our reality, so thus, a drastic yet necessary action had to be taken. We were too far over our heads, or rather our hearts. We knew we had a good thing going, but it eventually had to come to its preordained demise.

So was Ron the wrong person to love? Maybe? But my methods weren't exactly right as well. So we will never know. But, by gosh, what a life-changing journey. I wouldn't be the person today if it weren't for her.

Having said that, I won't be getting back into the dating game any time soon. To spend that amount of time and brain juice on someone is draining, to say the least. And with me heading to the working world in a few weeks, I highly doubt I'd have the time to invest in another relationship, especially with my hobby commitments and all. I rather hang around people I already know and trust, instead of getting to know another stranger. Also, why should I be having multiple courtships, when I already had the one relationship that defined my perspective on love and commitment?

So thank you, Ron.

For everything you've shared and imparted to me. I'll always think of you fondly, and as, I hope, you of me. Happy belated 22nd, babe.

Gargantuan Leap of Faith

The truth is, I'm not a big advocate on the whole religion spectrum, if you will. But I still do meditate every once in a while, because sometimes I lose sense of myself when I get too depressed or busy. So meditating brings me back to Earth and allows me to see the big picture of my life. I mean, seriously, sometimes we gotta calm our ourselves down and rethink of everything you have and you wish to achieve.

So I thought it'd be nice to jolt down the prayers and wishes whenever I pray, because, to be honest, I do forget a detail or two sometimes. So this serves a reminder for me.

1) I pray that my entire family will live harmoniously and also, for world peace. (Such a beauty-pageant answer..)

2) I pray that my dad will continue helping Creo Desserts business without much qualms and his body will be able to bear the challenges of carrying heavy and hot items. I pray he'll continue to contribute to our family, even after Creo is finished and he'll not laze around at home watching TV. It is okay with me if he doesn't look for a job, but at least do something as the father of this average-to-do family.

3) I pray that my mom's health will get better during this holiday period, so she'll be able to teach her classes at Ngee Ann Secondary School come this next year. I hope she's still got one or more years in her to continue, and she'll retire without much difficulty and live the rest of her life in peace. I also pray that the doctors she meet will give her the right medication and treatment for her illnesses. Also, I hope that she will be more understanding of her family, and not act out like a immature brat whenever things don't go her selfish way.

4) I pray for my elder sister's health; I pray that her stomach and her womb will be recover soon and not cause much problems, so she can have at least a child in the future with her current beau, Jason. I pray that she will always tap into the Buddha's wisdom and fortune to overcome her troubles at work, and her superiors will recognize the hard work she does, and hopefully gain a promotion or be headhunted for another job that she will like doing.

I also pray for her current relationship with Jason, and that this time her relationship with this new guy will work out fine. I pray that they both will have the capacity to endure and overcome their differences, habits and flaws, and not become a bitter couple as they grow old. I pray that their faith in each other will continue strong, and I pray that my sister can bear him a child in time to come to solidify their relationship.

5) I pray for Jason to also find success in his career; that he can find a suitable, high-paying job that satisfies him. Though he has not found any success with his current interviews, I pray that he will be able to tap into the Buddha's fortune that we've given him, and he'll maybe change his ways to suit, or to find someone who wants him for who he is. And also that interviewers will look past his flaws and hire him for a job hat he wants.

6) I pray for my younger sister to find success in her part-time uni studies. I also pray that the stress and pressure she gives herself to do her best will not manifest in a consequence that will derail her body. I pray that she will continue to prosper and learn under the supervisor that she's working for as a part-time job. I pray that the Buddha's wisdom and knowledge will aid her in remembering facts and equations for her terribly difficult science modules. I pray that after her studies, she will be able to find a financially stable career and be able to provide for herself. And perhaps, (pray) that she will find someone she likes and be in a great relationship with this guy.. Or girl. For all that matter. Hahahaha..

7) For me, I pray that my health and my appendectomy wound will recover fast and be in best state when I go work for Double Negative Singapore. I pray that this is actually a blessing in disguise, and clearing all my health karma before I go in and work hard for this company. I pray I'll be able to pick things up fast and learn as much as possible in this company. Pray that future colleagues and bosses are not assholes, and even if they are, I'd do my best to recognize these people and overcome their douchey-ness. I pray that I will be able to commit to this company for the longest time possible and pick up a few skills here and there about managing big-scale productions. Also, I pray that I will meet people that can help me to advance my studies or career, to achieve bigger things and also hopefully I can find a mentor there.

Also, at the same time, I pray that I will still be able to meet new people outside of my job and commit a part of my time to the local music industry. Especially in establishing Farhan's band Rendered 27 and pray that they will find success as local musicians. Also, meet people who can help me make my films or help them make films.

I think, ultimately, I wanna pray that I will have the good fortune to meet good, loyal people and be genuine friends with them. I also pray that my family will tide over the bad times and bond stronger.

8) Lastly, I wanna dedicate my prayers to these people who already established themselves as true mates in times of trouble:

Andrew
Zaidah
Zhengqian
XiangChou
WeiLin
ZhaoDe
Agassi
SuJuen
BiXuan
Syahirah
James
Cassandra
ShengQuan
WanTing
Gurvin
Cherie
Joey
Zen
Samantha
Charmain
ShiAn
Ron
WeiMing
Lynn
Joab
Jeremy
YiPann
Aaron
Stephen
Shermund
WeiHan
Melvin
Zhuang
DeWei
Issac
My entire platoon 2 section 1 BMT mates, especially KianFai
Rendered 27 and those secondary school Malay friends who still remember me.

I pray that these people will have the good fortune I prayed for them and tap into the Buddha's wisdom, knowledge and compassion to find success in their everyday lives and never forget to lose what is most important about themselves.

Okay this is one hell of a lengthy post.

sigghhhhborg (Taken from a regional band's name)

So just a week ago, I heard the most mind-blowing true story from a friend named Farhan.

I know Farhan from my secondary school years, and it's amazing how we have remained in contact after so many years. We were just going out for a movie and at dinner, he was all like "Dude! Do you remember _________?!"

Obviously, I did not know who that person was since I drew a black on her name in the previous paragraph. Then he goes on to tell me this:

Farhan: So I saw ______ a couple weeks ago, and she's like so different from (her time in) secondary school. We had a small chat and she told me she actually just came back from South America. What happened was she decided to take a gap year and went to South America to live for half a year. She went around the region and took up odd jobs here and there... But the incredible thing is she went with whatever money she had and survived to tell the tale of her journey.

At this point in time, I'm just bowled over by the sheer audacity this young lady has.

To fucking live in South America! Where crimes frequently happen. Guns, drugs, prostitution and whatever vices you can name. I mean, I'm not saying that South America is entirely made up of preconceived notions that media has been feeding me. But when I think of South America, those are the words that pop into my head.

That is really one heck of a YOLO experience. And a good one too, might I add. To actually learn to speak the language, immersing yourself in the culture of another country, getting to know the people there, TAKING UP JOBS in places you'd never imagined... Wow, I really want to have that.

It has always been a dream of mine to delve into the unknown. Treacherous as it may seem, it really gives you what you need to survive out there.

However, I'm stuck here.

On an island.

With my feet-on-the-ground family.

I should be grateful. I should be happy. I should be shouting "Hallelujah, I'm alive each day!"

If being alive means sticking close to comfort and conforming to society's vision, I'd rather be dead.

I need my YOLO experience.

btw, ORD loh~ (means I'm fucking done with National Service. Fuck that shit.)

Jeff Buckley : departed far too early in life

One should never listen to Jeff Buckley's debut LP "Grace" without knowing a few facts about him. Jeff Buckley grew up in a musical household and were taught to appreciate music from both ends of the genre spectrum. His father, Tim Buckley, was a widely-acclaimed singer/songwriter in the 60s and 70s doing folk and jazz music, but passed away in Jeff's early childhood years. His mother was more of the gospel type, and the man who later became his stepfather introduced him to the likes of Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix and Queen.

Such a diverse range of genres, I know! Which comes to our next part.

Jeff Buckley was anything but ordinary in his approach to writing music. In Grace, you would hear the marriage between genres in his songs. The songs would sometimes start off as a normal rock song, with guitar riffs ripping through the clash of cymbals and drums, then Jeff would sing his lyrics with such a pure, soulful voice that you would think: This guy is mad. Madly talented.

"Grace" was released in 1994, then shortly after 3 years later, Jeff passed away at the age of 30 due to a drowning incident in the Mississippi River. What a pitiful shame, the man was gone too early with only one studio album...

R.I.P Jeffrey Scott Buckley. Your music legacy is still alive and going strong.

Donald x Childish G.

it doesn't get any better from here on out

Apologies for the late post, but I'm at a serious crossroads in another phase of my precious, little life.

Anyway, anyone who doesn't know about the Smiths should check this out. Feeling very uninspired and restless, but I did promised myself a blog post a week. So here it is. Please don't let my lack of words take away this beautiful song. This is an oldie...

future is bleak but filled with hopeful possibilities

Another weekend, another new piece of music.

Ever since I discovered the ever-amazing Charlie Lim last year at the annual Singapore Night Festival, I've been on a rampage searching for more local musicians. And to my surprise, I found a lot of exciting bands and singers. Just gonna namedrop from the top of my head, some of which you've already heard me raving about them.

ANECHOIS
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Stopgap
Spacedays
Cashew Chemists
Gentle Bones
Shigga Shay
The Sam Willows
The Steve McQueens
The Good Life Project
MONSTER CAT
Caracal
The Great Spy Experiment
Plainsunset
b-quartet
Kevin Lester
Sapporo Safaris
wyd:syd

And so much more out there! Honestly, I never thought much about Singapore's music scene, but after one year of attending local gigs and youtubing videos, I am assuredly positive that it is alive and kicking all kinds of asses. For once in my life, I am really excited for the future of local music and this is a great time to be involved in its infancy stage. These talented beings need our support and I'll be giving it my all.

So for today's band, I'll be introducing another local band (no surprise there) to my list of great local acts: Pleasantry

Pleasantry's music can only be described as innocence with some wild, indie/folksy elements added to it. It is pure, innocent energy and I loved their performance at Blu Jaz Cafe last friday. It was so much fun with people singing along, and such a vibrant sound you can sense through their playing. It is simply magical. I hope you enjoy this video below as much as I did. Cheers~

Aussie Has Talent

My good man, Farhan Shafie, introduced me to Kimbra, an Australian-based singer/songwriter, by showing me this particular live performance. I was just blown away by the great restrain of her powerful voice; sultry, soulful and kinetic. The song was so fresh at that time when I first heard it, and it is still one heck of a good tune. Though it's geared towards pop, I think it's a great spin on the pop genre and the sounds coming from various instruments melded nicely into it.

So yup, Kimbra for this weekend. Cheers...

deep affection never ends

Abandoned, but not forgotten. You two were the rays of sunshine, providing me warmth and deadly UV rays. I loved you all the same.

To dear Ronnie and N.

Wonders of Indie

If one hasn't discovered Mew, it's not too late. I was introduced to Mew by Inch Chua when she did a cover with my other favorite local artist Charlie Lim. I went to get this definitive album, Frengers, as proclaimed by Inch. Listened to the whole album and it's definitely one of my favorite alternative albums out there. And to think this standard of music existed in pretty early 2000s, it is very impressive.

Comforting Sounds draws in you in with its tender guitar hooks and lovely vocals, then slowly work its way to its rock roots and finally blasting you out of the universe. It sure is very comforting to listen when you sleep.

To add on to the previous post, I know I haven't been the greatest friend to N too. I was also another one to blame. The other reason why I have taken my time to reply her is because I don't know if we could go back to where we ended and repair the damages when it's clearly our personalities. But I hope with good faith that it'll turn out fine.

Wow, music ended right on cue. (Was listening to it while blogging, yay!)

a sad, lost place adrift in the clouds

"Life is a drama full of tragedy and comedy. You should learn to enjoy the comic episodes a little more."

Jeannette Walls' The Glass Castle, pg 129

Pardon me for this mid-week blog post, but it's due time I address a rather surprising event that happened in the past week.

I don't really know any other interesting way to say this: I received a letter from N last Tuesday.

Yeah, the N that had supposedly erased me from her life after that misunderstood event that happened earlier this year. I, too, have taken her out of my life. It was an intense and painful process that one should never go through. Yet, the package that arrived at my home sent me into a state of massive shock and confusion, that it took me a long time to register my once best friend N have tried to contact me in a form of a mail package containing a book.

Jeannette Walls' The Glass Castle.

It's a book that is very familiar, but I couldn't place where I heard it from and I doubted that I've read it before.

Well, it took me a while to find out who the sender is, since it had no name attached to it other than mine. Half the time I was thinking "Did I forget that I ordered a book online? Maybe through Amazon or something.." I browsed through the pages in quick succession, looking for a sign and there she was. The letter "N" written on the bottom of the last page. I knew instantly it was my old friend

N had told me before that she loved this book and how much it related to her situation. Or something along that line.

Since there wasn't a written letter in the package, I thought maybe there is something else on the book that I missed. N wouldn't send a book without a message and I knew she had hidden it somewhere in it. I slowly turned the opening pages and saw the message.

For Xing You
30.4.10    240.10.5

It is a code that I needed to decipher.

Eventually, after much pondering and deduction, I arrived at my 2 keywords and possibly her message: Beyond & Farewells.

Now, what the hell am I to make of it?!

There's no other way to misunderstand the meaning of farewells. It means what it means. And "beyond" can mean a lot of things...

Beyond farewells. Now that is a whole new thing by itself. But what does N wants me to take away from this message?

Are we "beyond farewells"? Like is this the last message in our doomed friendship? Means what. Is this the last contact we'd ever have?

Or are we "beyond" our "farewells"? Which means, this short-term departure has come to an end and it's time to get back to where we stopped?

Okay, we gotta think this through. Or at least I have to.

Why would N attempt to make contact with me by sending a book with a secret message that means we're truly over each other? It just doesn't add up. Because if we were really done, she wouldn't send me anything, let alone a letter. I mean, it wouldn't make sense. We're doing fine by ourselves... Aren't we?

Unless this is her way of making a sentimental goodbye which, in this case, is probable... Since we never really had a proper conversation to end our friendship on good terms. It finished on a very bad note.

Davin tells me I should apologize for what I did, a resolution I'm leaning towards, but I'm afraid of what's to come.

Thus far, since my long departure from N, my life has been very peaceful and I like having a peace of my mind, although I had to do battle with my inner demons quite frequently... I did not take well to Ron's departure. And to have that separation from N gives me breather to focus on other important things other than her. She was a chaotic being, emotionally unstable and her mood wavers like the swing on a playground during playtime. It was hard to keep up with her emotions and to attend to her needs. I felt drained at the end of a meet-up.

But N isn't that all bad of an influence on me. If anything, she challenged me on many occasions on how to talk, how to feel, how to perceive matters and people from another point of view. And it thrilled me, excited me and made me feel alive. In fact, without her for a good half year, I felt dead and uninspired. She was the boost that kept me on my toes, even when I didn't ask for it. There was also a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that followed the drain after meet-ups with her. None of my other friends could give that feeling.

N is an incredible force of nature, I would put it in short.

And, so I've finished the book she sent me. It's a beautiful tale of a dysfunctional family and I found  the ending touching. Knowing the flaws of the people you love drives you so, so mad, that you need to get away. Yet you still come to terms with their personalities and habits and love 'em for who they are. Is this the message she meant for me?

I wish she would send me an easier message to understand, dammit. But, that wouldn't be like N already.

Give Back to Music

Let's go tap into Jazz this weekend. And who else am I suppose to feature none other jazz-pop maestro Jamie Cullum? If you have ever see his live performances on Youtube, you'd be amazed just as I was. The guy is a natural performer and his interpretations of relevant pop songs elevate them to new levels of layers. Like Rihanna's Don't Stop the Music and even Michael Jackson's Thriller. And he has a wonderful, raspy voice that seem almost like wine.

Anyway, went to Ignite Music Festival during this weekend. It was a bitching good time over there at Republic Polytechnic. Weihan and Melvin, friends from Changi Air Base, went with me and helped me took a lot of photos of the event. Local musicians like Shigga Shay, The Sam Willows and Charlie Lim graced the event with their high energy songs and it was seriously an awesome crowd to be with. Only wished that my shoulder had gotten better.

Photo time~

Weihan x Jake x Melvin

Narelle Kheng x Sandra Tang of Sam Willows

Narelle Kheng of Sam Willows. She's a total babe.

This man needs no introduction but here's one anyway:
Charlie (fucking) Lim

Weihan is sandwiched between 2 Willows. Happy as a lark, he is...

Special treat for those who stayed all the way to the end

Home is where the heart is.

For those who chances upon this small blog, this guy over here resides in Singapore and we just recently pulled off another huge celebration (known as National Day Parade) for our country's birthday (9th August). Thought I'd bring out another one of homegrown band and musicians to mark the occasion.

This is a loving cover put together by The Sam Willows and Josh Wei (on violins). The original was sang by Kit Chan and performed in the 2000s during NDP. Somehow, this and along some other songs withstood the test of time and is now one of Singapore's favorite song to sing at the NDP.

I gotta agree, the recent songs churned out for the recent NDPs have been shite and not the least memorable. Well, what can you expect of the quality of songs if the tradition is to come up with a new song to sing for every NDP? People will grow tired of it. It's best if you keep it simple and remix it. Like what you do ever year.

Anyway, you should dig The Sam Willows. They do like folk songs with beautiful vocals. (all four of them sings) And I gotta go. Rushing for time. Sorry for the short sentences. This is typing without editing. Damn.

Happy 49th birthday, Singapore.

an echo is a reflection of sound waves from a surface to the listener

Thought I'd go with local music this week. ANECHOIS has been on my radar for a couple months now, and now that I have finally purchased their music via BandCamp, they're actually pretty solid for a Singapore post-proggressive rock band.

Don't let the video fool you. There are no lyrics; just purely instrumental. Nonetheless, it's still beautiful music. I like to imagine stuff when I listen to good atmospheric music. It leaves it to listener's interpretation. At least they're not forcing you to follow fixed ideas.

That's it for this weekend music, I suppose. Laterxyz

The Person I Used/Need To Be

"oh love is always better
when we take time to get back to who we are"



Recommended by Charlie Lim, quite possibly my favorite singer-songwriter/performer in Singapore. Starts off like a The Carpenters' love song, soft strings playing on the harp and lulling vocals that brings you back to a forgotten era.

Then boom, the gut-wrenching chorus kicks in, and before you know it, it's a soulful song about dealing with heartbreak, loneliness and the words you wished you could tell to your loved ones. The way the song was written gives a slight chance and hope for broken people to continue on living. Emily King really nails this song and the feelings of break-ups, which is why it was my evening anthem for a few nights while I slept.

Relationships are messy. It complicates and it destroys when not handled right. And it leaves the devastated in the limbo state for many, many days. The tunnels are difficult to navigate in the dark when your only beacon is put out.

I have been in limbo for almost six months. It's soon I need to ignite the flame.

Dance Trek

Heard it in one of my favorite movies this year. Can't simply get it out of my head. I'm a little late on discovering this song, but this remix version makes it more palatable for my taste. This would be my clubbing music.

For whom am I posting this for? No idea.

Am contemplating to make another short film, but gotta do up a writing process first I suppose.

Watsky: The Epitome of 21st Century Young Rapper

Tune my soul towards salvation in these post-apocalyptic days. George Watsky, ladies and gentlemen.

You're welcome.

la dépression post-traumatique

Hey there.

There's no perfect beginning to a blog post. Even if there is, it's a skill locked away in a vault in the back of my mind. However, consciously, I'm still editing the words in vacuum of space and piecing the puzzle together.

Oh, it has been a long time since I wrote anything. Four months too long. Either I took upon myself with great restrain to stop blogging altogether or I simply just gave up on writing, because I take pride in my works and Time didn't allow me to commit.

To be frank, it's a bit of both. I'm only back because I needed an outlet to sort out the messiness and make the issues I'm dealing with a bit more palatable. And it has to be now, since I'm going for a shoulder surgery soon and Ron is coming back.


But it's not like I haven't been dealing with them. Especially the big one. I think we all know that phase humans go through when they've detached themselves from objects or people they hold most dear. I think Ron was able to get by in life because she has something to focus on, and plus she's not that melodramatic like I am.


Me? I was a total mess. Being in NS just exacerbated my situation. I was practically aimlessly wandering to my ORD date and isolating myself in that sea of depression. To be dealt a shitty hand and knowing you have to go through NS with no close friends around you is the worst feeling possible. But it also offered me a glimpse of how my future is going to be like. So day by day, I had to get used to living by myself and hope that I would see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel soon.


So it's been six months since she told me that we may have a chance to get back to being friends. The question is: Am I ready for that? Do I still want this thing I had with her?


Thing is, I already lost N. And for the sake of my sanity, I cannot get back to her. It's not that I hate her. It's just we've moved on from each other. She was, and always be, a tremendous friend that I loved. The moments spent with her, I do not regret them. Neither do I feel it's a waste of time.



Because growth is important, and if growing means parting with someone who has made a such an impact on my life, so be it. Memories may fade, but feelings will always remain. Or... whatever.



N, you are a great person. The only thing I'm sorry for, is that I'm unable to grow alongside with you. But I wish you all the best in your endeavors and I will always be praying for you. To have the courage, the wisdom and great fortune to overcome any great challenges that will seek to destroy you.



I think I botched up this speech.



But the question still remains, do I want to get back with Ron and continue our friendship?


She is as important like how Andrew is to me.



...

...

...



Woah, ok I just had a revelation. I did not know how much influence that sentence has over me. "She is as important like how Andrew is to me." Was contemplating to write more things about how I feel, but this sentence seals the deal for me. She is my best friend. Looked past the romantic feelings I had for her, and I saw how happy I was being with just this nut of friend. Who never fails to make me laugh, stimulate my brain and tempt me into doing crazy antics. I think the reason why I was so willing to do anything with and for her, was because:



Ron was my best friend.



Just that the stupid hormones got in the way.



Besides, watching Spike Jonze's Her, Blue Is The Warmest Color and Mood Indigo taught me a few lessons. They are bleak yet passionate films about romance, but I think those movies spoke the truth about love and life. Why seemingly successful relationships fail, why do we see so much of ourselves in those who have left. And what are we to do when life ends at that very moment.



The conclusion I've arrived at is that I won't pursue a romantic relationship with anyone for now.




"I think anybody who falls in love is a freak. It's is a crazy thing to do.

It's kind of like a socially acceptable insanity."

- Amy Adams, Her



Yeah it's insane! You can't deny there's no beauty in it too. I'm just not ready to throw myself to back into the game after all that recovery I've just gone through. The thing that frightens me the most is that you lose your life once it's over. And it shouldn't be like that.


So I shall walk away now, like how Adele did in that French film, and continue on living.

"I have infinite tenderness for you. I always will. All my life long."

- Emma, Blue is the Warmest Color

Photographs

Commence reading by playing the song in video*



My blog has been such a huge part of my life. An internet diary of my thoughts of my everyday events, but I haven't blogged in a long time because I just didn't know how to express without incriminating myself.

There are feelings of pain and confusion in me that I'm dealing right now. Things that I thought I understood and believed in, they don't ring quite true to me. But even with times like these, happy moments still do come along, and I'm grateful.

I also do appreciate these melancholic moments of deep thoughts, trying to sort out why and how things failed. Important lessons to take away from these painful experiences. I know I do whine a lot, but ultimately I'll be fine.

Anyway, having deleted my Facebook profile, I shall upload some photos I've taken in the past few weeks. To remind what's been happening. Words can only go so far to depict a man's life.

Phoenix Live in Singapore! 15th Jan

Photograph sesh with my old SecSkool friends

CNY crowd at Chinatown 

Chinatown lights from People Park's Complex (Mom friend's place)

Chilling on 2nd Day @ Mom friend's place

Cass' church friends invited me for BBQ reunion lunch

Ex-colleagues from SIP celebrating my birthday on 7th Feb

Zen and me

Photographs credited to Charmain

Thank you guys.. Awesome hang-out

That. Cake.

fin

Shall We Begin

Gotta come back to my blog some times. Suddenly felt this great sense of urgency to type out another long, meandering blogpost that eventually gets nobody anywhere.

I suppose the aim of returning to this little web invention is to strengthen my already-weakened English state.

NS does a lot of nasty things to men, some may concur. Stripping one's ideal identity is one major concern of mine, although on the flip side, I feel it's a good thing that men are trained to excel under pressure. My religion has this saying that humans are like rocks under the earth; under high intensity of pressure and heat, we will pull through and shine like the diamond stones we truly are... Or something along that line.

I do agree wholeheartedly though.

Hmm.. There are a lot of things I hope to achieve by the end of this year. I seriously do need a good break before going on to greater challenges. I had enough of admin work revolving vehicles and drivers and in-camp trainings. Interests in vehicles, I seriously do not have, but I try my best. I hope I don't get incriminated for talking about my doings in camp. Hey come on, it's not exactly highly classified info, so gerroff.

Gah, I can't remember what I want to type. The things to do. Okay, listing the things top off of my head.

another short film
learn a language
find a job
find a school
eat more healthily (can't do that until NS is over, fug)
read more books (fictional x non-fictional)
work on my music skills
improve on my writing skills.

Shit, it's already February. Oh great, which means I'm gonna age another year. What the hell, leave me alone, Time. You're a total bitch.

Forever 21.

(Music played on Lush at time of blogging: John Legend's Made To Love)

Her: Love In The Modern Age

This movie couldn't come at a better timing. Will be rewatching the movie and the documentary again for soul-searching purposes.

Float that Thought

Information at the tip of everyone's fingers. Like dipping into sauces and giving 'em a good lick. Your brain probably comprehended the flavours; level of acidity, sugar, spiciness and whatnot. But those tastebuds of yours glossed over them quickly.

Fleeting flavours of the world with random yet relevant significances. I think this is all becoming some kind of mental Hunger Games. Why can't it all stay simple and beautiful?

Maybe all of this is a hellish dream. All this fun and pain will be over soon. I'll wake up soon. In the company of Comfort, Peace and Love.

Wake up.

Awaken your spirit beast.

And this is here I bid you adieu.


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I thought the meaning of people was somewhere in here. Then I looked inside Nicolas Cage and I found a secret -- people are random and pointless

- Abed Nadir (NBC's Community), on why he took up a side course of "Nicholas Cage: Good or Bad?"