X'mas Update

Ho ho ho...I've just came from my cousins' house. We had steamboat and hot-plate for our small little party, 2 Christmas cakes and a presents-opening therapy session.

Four presents from 3 Cousins and 1 Sister

Elder Sister got me the earphones and my cousins got me the rest. Among the presents, I don't really like the chocolate one... But what the heck, you know, it's the heart that counts.

That's why Christmas isn't about the presents or the food or the cakes. It's about sharing your love even if your present isn't what the receiver exactly wants. Be thankful for they even got you your present.

The worst thing about Christmas for me is that I don't have any presents to give to my cousins and this makes me feel guilty. They are always getting me stuff and I never got them anything back. It's very touching that these people whom I hardly talk to will even get me something for Christmas. Hopefully I can get them some stuff next year for Christmas as well so I won't feel as awkward for every previous years.

Once again, have a jolly good time and Merry Christmas!

Christmas Season 2009

Christmas is upon us. Nothing beats the jolly spirit of Christmas. The Love, the sharing, the presents and the big coniferous tree with lights strewn all over it...

But somehow, this year's Christmas is going to be celebrated a little differently. With the absence of a selfish prick, the Lee household is going to my cousin's house for the Christmas celebration. Mom is out of town for Christmas for she's in Thailand visiting her good friend. I guess she'll be having a great Christmas there.

It also seems that this Christmas season is a depressing one. The constant dark skies and clouds and the often empty house. The curtains in my room is not drawn to reveal the moody view outside and I'm kind of glad, to be honest. I'm just sitting at my desk and typing all these depressing insights while enjoying the occasional silence in my room.

Nevertheless, we should not be brought down by such matters. It's Christmas! Let us not live in the past but in the present... That's what I remind myself sometimes. May we share the joy around like in that recent Coca Cola advertisement. We cannot allow the non-existence of Santa Claus to bog us down for there is a Santa living in everyone of us. So let us join hands together and celebrate the spirit of Christmas with your very beloved ones.

Having that said, I bid you guys farewell and have a merry couple of days ahead till 2010 comes.

Cheers! XOXO

Presenting Jason Mraz - Winter Wonderland

Me and Future-Self

Let's try something different this time. Instead of blogging down my thoughts, I'm going to make this a self-participatory blog where I can look back at these posts and wonder if I ever change myself. So here goes...

Inspiration drawn from Marshall Eriksen and Zaidah.

Dear Future-Me,

I know you're going to be a successful and wealthy man in the future with a bold dream like yours. One thing to bear in mind though. Please don't be an asshole like me right now. I am selfish, self-loathing, ego-eccentric and worst of all, I've lost half the will to care.

Please don't be like me. I want you to love the people around you and enjoy life with its sweetness and bitterness. Especially your elder sister. She needs you and you know it. So be there for her with every given opportunity there is in the midst of your busy schedule.

Right now, I'm having a crush on this girl. To tell you, she's pretty awesome and so much better looking than Yan Ting. She may end up being your girlfriend or just another girl who broke your heart. I just want you to know, no matter what happen, just keep hanging in there, brother. You are so much wiser and more experienced than me now. Be strong for me, man. What matters most is that I love you. Your family loves you. Don't do anything that I wouldn't do.

Love is the greatest gift you'll ever get from anyone, man.

P.S. Please, please, I beg you, you can start off with any car you want, but please end up having an Audi, okay? Much appreciated...

*UPDATE* Nah, I don't think it'll work for the subsequent posts...Back to normal blogging, I guess..

Let's Break It Down

I need to get away from Singapore.

I need to get away from cheating husbands, brokenhearted sisters, Loneliness, unrequited crushes and my fucked-up piece of mind. Even my appetite for food is gone. The bacon that once satisfy my love for food is slowly turning stale in my mouth and on my taste-buds.

My family recently travelled to places where I couldn't go. I was left at home during their trips to Malaysia and Turkey. My elder sister was rarely at home. The maid was doing her own thing while I quietly went to my room. Trapped within the confines of those four walls, even MSN couldn't help fill the empty space in my heart. Loneliness screwed my mind over. Though my family is back, their existence and presence in the home did not matter to me anymore. I can not bring myself to care anymore. The human connection I had was lost.

I used to question the existence of oneself; Whether it is all real or just a dream like the Matrix. Are we just beings that are floating around in a cerulean ocean, sleeping and dreaming of us typing on a laptop about meaningless purposes? How come we are able to imagine? How is it possible for us to talk with voices? How come we are capable of so many things?

That was just to throw you guys off. The question I want to ask now is: Love and care is part of the human nature for a quite long time. Is it possible that these things will become so deep rooted in us that we only care because we just want to appear nice and kind?

I said "Cheer up!" to a friend just recently. I didn't feel sincere at all. I just knew that you got to say "Cheer up!" to a friend who's feeling down. I know it's not nice of me to say that but I couldn't be bothered whether I said that with sincerity or not. I am not in the mood to care for people. Even "I love you" is such a repetitive phrase and we say that to reassure and reaffirm the faith in our beloved ones. My elder sister asked me if I will still love her when I grow up. I paused before saying "Yeah..." I knew she knew there was something wrong with my answer because I didn't sound truthful or genuine.

...

...

...

Spain, England and Paris will be nice.

I just wish that I'll be going next week instead waiting till March...

Episode VIII

11.7.09 Journal Entry 8

Okay, let’s talk about something that was on my mind a couple days back.

I experienced people badmouthing behind other people’s back. To make matters worse, they were in my clique.

Both of them were talking and talking about certain people with their behaviours and their physiques. Saying really nasty stuff. I didn’t want to join in so I kept really quiet throughout the conversation. Sometimes I had to pretend I actually care about what they’re talking about otherwise they’ll know I’m feeling uncomfortable. So occasionally, I’ll give a chuckle or two and ask them “What you guys talking about?”

Honestly, I don’t like badmouthing people. I have a positive view of almost everybody in the class. If I don’t really like them as much, I won’t project a negative attitude to the person. I will just play neutral. Maybe, I’m a very gullible guy who believes the good-natured front that the cunning person projects.

Anyway, the point is, not do I only hate badmouthing and I also don’t approve of it. What these guys did was compromising my values and beliefs. I feel like the lessons that were with my upbringing are being put to the test. Should I refuse the temptation to whine or should I just join in the bitching? Or maybe I should yell at them, saying how immature they are and they should accept people who they are.

Maybe the reason why they are so vocal about their opinions and views is because they’re media students. But can’t they understand? I know the grass on MS0901’s side is greener than our side but we have to accept people. Like once the King of Pop sang, “It don’t matter if you’re black or white”, though we’re not dealing with racism. Humans are not perfect like your Brad Pitt or Megan Fox.

So right now, I’m being stretched to the ends of my wits, nearing the edge, about to cross some serious lines that I never would in the first place. I feel very confused and conflicted within.

If I told my mom about these things in school, she’d say, “Then don’t hang out with them!” But things isn’t as easy as 1 2 3. It would seem tactless and abrupt. Besides, we have some sort of bond among us so it’s hard to break that bond with a snap. Maybe I’m just a very nice guy who don’t know how the break the news to them.

So I have concluded only recently that I will hang out with them not as often. Let that friendship slowly turn cold then it’ll be easier to ditch the friendship and allow us to remain as acquaintances.

PS. All that has changed now...

Did I Drive You Away?

Well, I saw sparks… - Sparks by Coldplay

Currently, this song is stuck in my head whenever I think of that friend who always takes away my breath whenever our eyes are locked on for a few seconds.

I have this habit of looking at the people around me, hoping to myself that they will never see me looking at them. I take longer and more frequent glances at the people whom I know and like better. If they happen to notice my glance, I will always look away.

But all that has changed. Courage took over me and I started to maintain the eye connection with the people around me for a while. It wasn’t hard for me because most of the time we end that connection with a smile.

Then came along this friend. To say she’s an all-right friend would be an understatement because she is so nice, sweet and cool to hang out with. I value this friendship with her very much. I hate it if it’s be ruined by some stupid reason.

So sometimes, I would look to her direction and she would look around and see me looking at her. Those mere few seconds felt like minutes. As time goes by, I begin to see the warmth and comfort behind those alluring eyes of hers.

And it’ll be those eyes that will cause the demise of our friendship. I don’t want that. I don’t want to fall for her and destroy the connection between us. Somehow, I have a tendency to fall in love with girls who are my close friends. I can tell you right now; I really hate myself for doing this torturous thing to myself. Trust me, I’ve been there before and it’s not fun at all. In fact, it’s fucking scary as hell.

So, I got to stop. I really have to stop this…

Jo Yin told me something else, which I, too, agree. Who are we to deny the entrance of Love into our lives? If it happens, just go with the flow and see where that goes.

The thing is, I have a feeling that long-term crushes/loves goes beyond a point of no return for me.

Down to Earth

In my life, I have never been made it to any Dean's Lists until now.

Today, I was graced with a certificate of admission into the Director's List in front my peers and friends. I am grateful and humbled by this acknowledgement that NYP has given me.

But please, do not think of me as your kryptonite and I'm blocking your way to the top because the only competitor I regard in my life is only myself.

I'm in a constant internal struggle during every hour and minute of the day, trying to best my own record and do better than the every past-minute of myself.

So in all, I'm just a guy who's not asking for a lot of recognition in life...

I just want to earn my Oscar statuettes. =D

Stay humble and cool-headed yo.

Episode VII

21st June. Journal Entry 7

Love.

I appreciate what Love had brought me all these years. It is a wonderful feeling when I come back home from school because all the pressure from the classmates and teachers are all left at the front door. But of course, gratitude often comes with love. I am truly grateful to my classmates and teachers had given me. A second home in school where everybody is almost as kind and friendly as my family back home.

But no, I didn’t really experience that kind of love in school before. To me, my secondary school life had been quite hellish. Well, blood is thicker than water so I can’t really expect my classmates and teachers to be as forgiving as my parents back home if I messed something up.

As a student trying to survive in school, I met with many setbacks. Not academically but socially. I wasn’t really outcast by my classmates. But I’m the guy who never hangs out with a big group of friends. I had only 3 close friends and that’s all. We’re never stupid enough to break the school rules. The hottest soup we ever got ourselves into was playing poker cards in school and a prefect caught us. Well, it wasn’t that bad.

My classmates and me, we are of polar opposites. I’m the really mellow guy who stands out from the crowd in a while and says “Hi!” then I go back into hiding again. My classmates are all humourous and active. They’ll never fail to tickle the class’ funny bones with their witty jokes. So sometimes I get thrown aside and nobody notices me again. I’m that tragic. Because of our different personalities, most of the time I will never get involved in their fun shenanigans. They usually leave me out. So I fell wayside.

But secondary school wasn’t all that bad. I joined the school military band and that was where I had the most meaningful experience in my life. It wasn’t just experimenting and practising music, I had a lot of fun while doing them with my friends and seniors. I played percussion in the school band but I wasn’t the drummer. More specifically, I’m the person who looks out for the overall sound while my other two friends specialize in drum-set rhythms. So we kind of brought something different for every practices and share among ourselves. We were discovering different sophisticated and awesome at such a young and tender age. Besides, we had to teach our juniors and get scolding from our conductors. All these just bonded us together. Such trust and loyalty are hard to gain but easy to lose. So, they are like my half-brothers.

As the years went by, I learnt to appreciate my classmates for what they are. Well, there can’t be people who are of exact personality and character, right? Though I can’t join in their fun after school but during lessons, I’ll just laugh along with them. My friendship with them is merely platonic and nothing else. Anyway, it’s good enough to be in their presence so I’m grateful for not being rejected for being myself.

Things could have been, you know.

Be Kind, Rewind

What's the world coming to? You have the idiots who think proudly of themselves and wanting their freedom of speech and you have people of dark characters and pasts who reveal the ugly side of humans.

I didn’t know or even met any idiots in my life before. The idiots that I know were on the television like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. I don’t really care for them and their stupid behaviours and opinions. I just know that it can’t possibly happen in Singapore.

Since I met that guy, everything changed. He must be asking for attention by acting so stupid all the time. Sometimes I thought, “Damn, he is an evil genius.” But, whatever you know.

So today, one of my classmates gave a speech to the whole class. It was regarding about the bullying the idiot. She said we should give him one last chance to fit in with the all of us. I disagree with her. I don’t think anyone with that kind of diva attitude towards everything should even be here. I’m sorry but I had so much encounters with him for many assignments that I don’t think he deserves any sort of apology or acceptance from me.

Having that said, sometimes I might have gone overboard. So I decided to leave him alone forever. If he does not come to me and fuck me up real fucking badly, I won’t go picking on him. So, this is my final offer of salvation for him, otherwise I will unleash a fury of vulgarity-ridden sentences upon him and make him face my wrath.

I think you guys have seen some really fucked up shit in life. Some people just become mind-fucked after seeing all the ugly side of people. They are so mind-fucked that they lost hope and trust in humanity. They start to think the worst of people’s intentions and interpret them in the most twisted way. They think the world is sick and vile and there is no cure.

I beg to differ. Sure, there is a lot of evil in this world but we are constantly trying to do the right thing by being nice and good to people. There is no black or white, there is only grey.

In other words, we are all flawed human beings trying to be the nicest to the best of our moral values. Why lose hope in humans? There is still good in the world. You just don’t realize it.

And I salute those who are still optimistic and hopeful about the world despite its giant flaws. I wouldn’t say that they are living in self-denial but rather; they have embraced the facts and are living their life to the fullest by contributing a single puzzle piece to the jigsaw “Hope” by being kind to everyone they know. I hate to quote from this musical but it’s true “We’re all in this together”.

By doing this, they have achieved something higher in life than those who just keep on rambling on about how the world sucked. That, I guess, is Happiness.

And true happiness is hard to come by. And with that, I end this post.

Bear in mind: Be grateful and Be Love.

Ciao...

Undisclosed Desires

I am slowly descending into the state of insanity where nothing really matters to me. Not even my studies. And the reason behind this cause is my stupid crush.

I realised something important over the years as a young maturing boy with hormonal problems. I used to be an emotional boy, and I still am but I'm gaining control over my feelings. But the point is, Love screws me upside-down. I remembered that I did not do that well for Sec 2 because I got dumped by a girl who had a 6-months worth of crush on me just 1 month ago before the major exams.

Hmm, the suffering...

The way I tackle love is such an old-school method. The first step can be described using a quote from the movie Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. "Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who pays me the least bit of attention.."

Yes, if a girl, provided that she's adequately pretty, constantly comes to talk to me , I would fall in love with her easily. But this isn't a full-proof method because some girls are my good friends so I don't really fall in love with them. In other words, this girl got to be someone whom I think is special. Like Zooey Deschanel...

The next step is to talk to her as much as possible. Get to know her better, make her feel better about herself, be supportive and etc. The idea of this is to become her best guy friend. Or at least make it till the runner-up.

Then comes the part where I break the confession to her. Sometimes they just see me as their best friend AND THAT really breaks my heart. "I'm sorry, but I prefer to have you as my good friend.." is just another meaning for "Fuck you, I don't want to go out with you because you're fugly and boring."

Sounds harsh eh? But that's the truth. Can't say I really like it. Then they'll go on saying "You'll find someone that fits/love you, don't worry.."

Fuck that.

Despite my distaste for cliche romance films, my vision of Love is that everything is sweet and memorable. Having that said, I'm trying very hard to keep this vision intact within me because every relationships around me are fucked-up. It's hard to find someone you truly love, that's what I can say.

The girl that I have a crush on is a Summer. Obviously, I'm not talking about the seasons of distinct weather patterns. Summer is a fictitious girl from a film that I adore this year. Summer is somewhat independent and does not want to be romantically involved with someone. She only just wants to have some harmless fun. I guess, my Summer is here. Will I be a Tom Hansen in time to come? I certainly hope not...

Sometimes I find myself battling with my conscience, knowing what's not the thing to do, but I still do it anyway.

Sounds familiar eh? Join the club...

Random Thoughts

Waking up early, a crazy timetable and an unbearable classmate... And to think that I will work harder this semester, all these obstacles just keep holding me down. For the first two weeks, it was like a session where Hitler makes me sit throughout a fast-forward sequences of violent images of evil Jews and I drool all over my arms.

Hitler. Interesting. I made a comparison to Hitler... Moving on!

Statement of the Semester: Management modules are boring.

Sadly, it's the truth. Management of a media business is an interesting topic. The concepts of managing lots of different people makes the modules more attractive to learn. It's all about the skills of toying with individual's minds and if you do learn how to grasp that ability, it'll probably rank you amongst the most scheming and cunning people on the Earth.

But when it comes to answering tutorial questions, it's a total fucking nightmare. Especially Financial Management. I'm not a guy with a business mind. I'm the guy with the whacked-out imagination who utilizes his sleep to dream of psychedelic images and story plots.

Then some wonderful things start to happen to me. I know she'll be reading this if she comes here.

So there's this girl Zaidah in my class. I always thought she's a pretty cool chick. The way she talks to friends and presents herself in front of class, I always knew she was something entirely entity. Then recently, we started to chat on MSN. And by chat, I meant talking about stuff that connects us deeply to. As it turns out, we have the similar tastes in music, movies and thoughts!

What a crazy yet creepy coincidence! I finally found my music and movie buddy! And to find that kind of buddy in a school where there are thousands of students, it can be only be one reason behind it. Sheer pure luck! So thank you Zaidah for your albums and everything. You made my last weekend a great one to enjoy! =D

Next up. Had a small argument with classmate today. Was intending to stick up a helium gas tank up his ass and blow him out of proportions. But had no evidence to do it so mission was aborted. While going up a friend's house to play XBox, I thought of another way to scare him.

1. Take a step closer to Ben (preferably near his neck)

2. Take a deep breathe with a disgusted look my face

3. "You know, Ben...You reek of Fear, I can smell it on you."

With this, I believe I can psychologically traumatize him into thinking I am some weird fuck with no fucking morals. What a pity that I didn't thought of this earlier.

In other thoughts, I think I'm in love again...After the closure with Yan Ting, I am free to love and to be loved...

Random P.S Talking's overrated. Just type the words out and see how they complete each other's meaning.

Peace out.

Episode VI

11.6.09 Journal Entry 6

This week made me feel like I’m living in a hellhole.

Every module had its homework.

Ms. Ang’s scriptwriting homework, Mr. Chong’s ICA1, Chrisp’s speech for ICA2, John’s Marketing test, Mr. Azhar’s scriptwriting and treatment homework.

And what else am I leaving out?

Honestly, I wasn’t really prepared for this week. Seriously, Alistair once said that week 4 was the worst but I didn’t really felt the pressure. But this week was the worst week I ever had.

Tension was high and everyone was at their wits’ ends trying to complete their homework and studies. I pushed myself on after every minor setback. Told myself to move on and don’t look back. I was on the verge of giving everything up until I gave myself a small pat on the back. I told myself: Though I may screw up big time for some assignments and test, but it’s okay. It’s over already. I must strive on to survive this week. Someone heard me saying this and she, too, gave her support and said “Yeaah, I like your attitude =)”. This really gave a boost in my morale.

So big deal, I screwed up Chrisp’s speech. We can’t possibly ace at every tests and exams right? Important lesson learnt: Never ever give an impromptu speech because I’m not a fluent speaker.

Preparation for John’s marketing test wasn’t easy at all. Though I paid a lot of attention during John’s lectures, the important facts and reasons still escapes my mind. So I had to constantly ask questions and scribble notes in my marketing notes and makes sure I understand everything aspect of the topic.

Then when I study the notes, I usually would copy what the notes had said so I remember it more clearly. Other than this way of memorizing the facts, I remember the facts using the sequence of how the facts was placed

My classmates kept saying I’m going to ace the test because I’m very clever. Truth is, I was never a clever boy. I would be the dumbest idiot if not for my willingness to change myself. It’s not that I’m clever; it’s just that I’m hardworking. I chose to study very hard because I know if I don’t study, I probably do very badly for the test. So when I study diligently, it’s just for me to pass that subject or module.

If I were an intelligent student, I wouldn’t be here in the first place. I would be studying at a JC already.

Marketing Module ain’t easy to learn but it ain’t that difficult to pick up either. All it takes is just common sense but I seem to be lacking that whenever I’m feeling nervous. And I don’t think I will ace the test today despite the overload of information in my head. The test was still difficult. Damn…

With the holidays approaching, I really wish I can prepare myself spiritually and be mentally prepared for more assignments to come.

Three days went down, two more to go.

Ganbate, Xing You!

Solving a Problem at a Time

I found closure with my ex-girlfriend a few days ago.

I am happy that we did that because I was unable to love and commit to anybody for 3 years.

Now that I am able to love again, I'm stuck with 3 choices.

Maybe Love isn't suppose to happen like that.

Maybe it's fated.

Maybe it's our own will that propels us to love.

Anyway, lecturer Janice made us picked numbers to be grouped for a pair project.

I chose my ex's birthday number: 17

And I got my worst nightmare classmate again.

Irony can be cruel at times.

Found and Lost

My posts are getting horrible.

I don't know where to start. I have indeed lost my charm and wit. Words and phrases that once held dear to my heart are slowly falling apart. The situation is so bad that I had forgotten how to beautify my sentences. It's so hard trying to find the right words to fit into a sentence. This blog is suppose to help me express myself through words. But now, I'm having a difficult time trying to....I don't know how to go on.

Maybe it's because I'm lost. Yet again. I've lost interest in books and writing. Movies that I could understand are not foreign objects in my mind. Now I'm currently reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. Usually, I spend about 2 weeks time to finish the whole book. Now it's the third week since I bought that book. I barely reach halfway. Something's definitely wrong with me.

I don't know how to pick myself up. And I'm doing more stupid stuff than usual. Why the hell did I go speak to that guy?! He's such a loser. My name doesn't belong on his commercialized blogs with the fucking advertorials. He don't even know who is Meryl Streep. She is a very successful actress with like what? 10 over Best Actress Nominations for Oscars under her belt.

I'm not a writer anymore. I've lost it...Can someone help me and get me back on my A-game? I don't want to lose to myself...Or even lose myself completely..

Story About Love..A Love Story...What's The Diff?!

It's official: I have finally watched (500) Days of Summer. I can now die a happy man.

Basically, it's a romance story without the happy ending. Presented in a unconventional and non-linear way, (500) Days of Summer is also story about modern love. It's unique from the rest of the romantic comedies as it shows the reality of a real relationship. Sure, it's a little dramatic at times but there are times we had those ecstatic moments where we do a little celebration when the relationship is heading down a path that we like.

After watching this film, I can't help but relate this to my love life. Yeah yeah, I know I sound cliched right now but bear with me. The role I'm playing is Tom, the guy who is helplessly in love with a girl and everything about her while Yan Ting is Summer. It took me many months to finally get over her.

This is a film that will definitely be stuck on me for many years to come because it is relatable to me. It's a sad thing that Yan Ting is gone from my life but I got to take care of myself and do the things that I'm passionate about.

(500) Days of Summer is a personal favourite of mine even if you mainstream people don't like it..So beat it! =D

Episode V

4.6.09 Journal Entry 5

I’m a quiet observer of my surroundings.

I like seeing people’s actions and expressions. Because I think it’s like watching a mini movie in real life. No acting required. Everything just happens according to a set of concept: Cause and effect. But what’s most interesting about watching people live their lives is their attitude towards a certain event or situation. Sometimes it’ll be funny to watch them fumble through their mistakes. Some of them are sometimes helpless and I feel sad watching them struggling through.

You may think it’s sick when I say I get my satisfaction from observing people but I beg to differ. As an aspiring movie director, I need a lot of inspiration for the movies I want to make. It could be people of professions, youngsters, working adult or even the elderly. The interaction between people is fascinating. Sometimes when someone said something offensive, people would have different reactions to that comment. Some people frown, some raise their eyebrows, some nose twitching. It’s an interesting sight, for me at least.

Observing people and making friends are two different processes for me. Even sometimes I can’t help but also observe my friends’ every action. Then after that, I form a perception about them. But this won’t cloud or influence my decision in making friends with them. Having said that, there is only one thing that could influence my decision: Their selfishness and self-centeredness.

The process of observing people could be as detailed as drawing out a masterpiece.

First, I will always look at how the person looks. His hair covering his face, what kind of nose he has, lips are thick or thin and other minute details.

Then the next thing to observe is the way he dress himself. Usually a person can be defined by observing his dress code. Whether he’s an old man, or a working adult. This is what I call the unique style of a person. Students, on the other hand, can define their clique groups by the way they dress as well. Though not accurate at all times, but it still proves to a certain extent.

Lastly, is their behaviour. Basically it is a key to understanding their personality and character without actually knowing them. Usually the first impression of them is the fairly accurate deduction of themselves. Why do I think so: Because as humans, when we are with our friends, our true selves tend to flesh out during these moments. Then this is when others will catch a glimpse of our personalities.

However, my mind goes haywire at times. Or rather, situations are always not as they seem like. But my mind always tends to think more than it should. It is always frustrating as well when my personal feelings get in the way of my deduction of one’s personality.

However, observing people is not any kind of hobby. At least not mine. Observing people is something that we all humans are doing right now. They keep shut about how their group member operates through their group project. But when that peer evaluation sheets comes by, people write a lot on what they think about their team members.

And usually the comments are never neutral. They either are positive or negative.

Why? Humans judge, that’s why.

Episode IV

As ridiculous as it sounds, my so-called "ethics" journals has an entry on American Idol.

24.5.09 Journal Entry 4

I’m still reeling in from one of the biggest “upset” in the showbiz that happened this week.

Yes, I’m talking about American Idol.

The Guyliner loses to the Guy-next-door. The front-runner loses to the underdog. Adam Lambert, the most consistent contestant loses to Kris Allen, the greatest improved contestant. For most people, this was one of the biggest upsets that American Idol had.

As a Kris Allen fan, I’m happy for this dude. I believe he was as shocked as me when he was crowned as the newest American Idol. I mean, this guy came out from nowhere! The producers did not even give him enough screen time on air.

I took notice of Kris when he did “Remember the Time” during the Michael Jackson week. He wowed me when he did his version of the disco song “She Works Hard for the Money” during Disco week. What he did was brilliant. Stripping the whole techno vibe down its raw melody and performing it with an acoustic guitar. That was genius and it totally represents his style of music. I dug it, man.

I used to like Adam Lambert and I thought he was the next American Idol like David Cook (last year’s winner). However, Adam Lambert is only a one-trick-pony. He’s also theatrical. But I got to admit he’s a pretty damn good vocalist but he often does the screaming too much. The judges love his performances weeks after weeks but I just don’t see the deal with him. Maybe it’s my taste in music. It wasn’t just my style. But he’s meant to be this year’s American Idol winner because his personality and music are through the roof.

Kris, on the other hand, has smooth vocals and is very radio-friendly. But he wasn’t as big as Adam Lambert. He’s the guy that you go to his concert and enjoy an intimate time with the performer. The emotions he conveys through his songs are heartfelt and I enjoy watching this guy perform. Every week, I would sit in front of the television set and wait patiently for Kris’ performance comes up on the TV. But I never expected him to actually WIN the whole show.

I mean, come on, it’s not like Kris isn’t not good. But he’s not a larger than life person. Winners such as David Cook, Jordin Sparks or Kelly Clarkson, they have the “Star” power within their singing and image. So I’m still reeling in about the results. When my eyes lay on the words “Kris Allen Wins American Idol” on the Google News, my mind had a very hard time trying to comprehend and process the info.

In the end, let’s just give it up for this young man. Kris Allen. An engaging performer who pops out once in a while during the show to say “Hi!” I hope his debut album will be distinctly his style…Laid-back and acoustic. Go Kris Allen!

Bittersweet Journeys

I just had a long talk with my mother.

Sister had accidentally left her expensive phone in the Band Room. Mr. Yeo happened to saw it in the room and left the phone on my mother's desk. Mother went berserk as she had the experience of cleaners being suspected of stealing numerous items in the Staff Room. She then started reprimanding my sister harshly for being so careless while Father came in and start insulting that Mr. Yeo is a stupid teacher. Mother exacerbated the situation by shouting "It's because of you irresponsible parents...!"

Mother was so worried about my sister's handphone that she could not sleep. As I was about to go into my room to hit the sack, she wanted to apologise and comfort my sister for yelling at her earlier on. But she had already slept with those dried tears that streamed down her face.

We then sat down by the stairs and I listened to the words of a mother who was under-appreciated by her boss and aunt; A mother whose good friends and colleagues who either are retiring or dying. A mother who worries so much for her family's safety and peace. A teacher whose respect and love are showered upon students of many backgrounds. Basically, she was telling me snippets of her life. A life full of value. She is a strong woman who is literally on the edge of her mental state.

Why am I mentioning all these? Along these bumps on the road, joys of satisfaction come along as well. I'll be honest, I haven't experience my fair share of the tough part in life. I am a truly blessed person with shining Lady Luck on his side. Bad things tend to happen on me but I have always manage them well.

The Night of Viva La V was probably the proudest moment so far. As the QM and CM, I was in charge of moving instruments with several band friends back and fro from school and to the Victoria Concert Hall. It was a smooth move. I had a list with me and was making sure all the instruments are all up on the van. There was 1 small thing that I was happy about. The previous amplifier that was used for Viva La IV was lost. That fueled my determination to get ALL the instruments and materials back to school in one piece. Can't express how proud I was when I saw all the things back where they are.

Though it may sound stupid and childish, but it's one of these small yet significant achievements that make our lives more valuable than we think. Life is not only a bittersweet journey that we all must go through. The value of our lives are judged upon by our efforts and achievements. Its value only goes up when you decided to do something that adds on to your purpose in life. Go figure.

On a side note, I have to be mentally stronger than now...

Episode III

17.5.09 Journal Entry 3

Music.

Music used to have no significance in my life. But now, as the years passed, I experienced more with music and now I found the music that defines me as a human being.

When I was young, music was just a form of leisure to me. People just listen to it because it was catchy and popular. I just went with the crowd, while finding the right music that fits me. It was difficult, because the music I tend to like soon would soon evolve and then I forgot about that particular artiste or band I like.

At the age of 16 nearing to 17, I finally found it in the form of Jason Mraz. His happy tunes never fails to realize the grass is always greener on the other side. I was going through some turbulent changes after O Levels because of an identity crisis. It changed my whole perspective of life. Reading his journals have inspired to make my life an enjoyable one too, by spreading love to people. He taught me to be grateful for all the things given to me in this world. To be mischievous at times but never go overboard. I remembered that he once said that he didn’t want to write any songs based on anger and sadness because he didn’t want his listeners to feel that way either. So mostly all his songs are songs of celebration about Life and telling me to live it to the max.

Then recently, I discovered Radiohead. The band has been around for over 15 years and still going strong as ever. Actually, I first discovered Radiohead when I was only a kid. I only liked one song of theirs, which is “Creep”. But after being exposed to the latest Radiohead album, I learnt to appreciate their songs and grew emotional attachment to it.

Listening to Radiohead really digs deep into one’s soul and evokes the very raw emotions of human beings. Closing my eyes really elevates the listening experience. Anger, sadness, disappointment, confusion, chaos and insaneness just come out. And I’m left breathless after each song. The lyrics are confusing at times but the instruments arrangement is so beautiful placed over the song. I felt that all the instruments played a pivotal role into making a song into what it is. Radiohead understood the full potential of the song they composed and then making it come to live with their variety of instruments. They are an unbelievable bunch of talented artists and musicians.

Radiohead and Jason Mraz are like my yin and yang to my personality and character. Radiohead is my “emo” side when I’m feeling down while Jason Mraz toys around playfully when I’m cheerful.

But, of course, music taste can never be stagnant. Music will always evolve and so will my taste. But till then, I’ll just stick to what I’m listening to now.

Question of the Day

Why do people need reassurance?

Episode II

15.5.09 Journal Entry 2

Had a class gathering with MS0902 at Fort Canning Park today.

I told Jon that I had never been there before in my whole life.

It was a lie I didn’t realized until the class reached our intended destination in the form of a shelter.

Along a path leading to the shelter, I could catch a glimpse of a familiar sight on my left. Taking a closer look, I realized it was the National Museum of Singapore. The reason why I remember this building well is because of its structure. It may look small but there’s more than meets the eye. Oh god, that sounded cheesy but it’s true. On the outside, the building may look ordinary but there are a lot of unexpected pleasant surprises.

It was 1 year ago when I came to this museum with my sec4 class for a class excursion. Apparently, it was part of our character development module that we have to complete and there happened to be an educational play going on at that museum.

The Museum appealed a lot to me. Mainly, because I’m an “art” kind of guy and the place had a few interesting facilities. The vibe it gives me makes me feel at peace with myself and able to come to terms about myself. It also depicts a part of personality because of its peaceful and classy environment. I’m like an unassuming, young man who has this aura of quiet confidence within him.

What made this experience at the museum even more memorable are the friends that came along. It was great to be in their presence as it was the last excursion trip we’re going as a class.

Of course there were moments when I felt that I had nothing to account for my sec4 classmates. People disliked each other and backstabbing sometimes happened. I wasn’t in the conflicts but I had to watch my back. Because of it, I became a paranoid android who had to be aware of my actions because I didn’t want to offend people accidentally.

But all that seemed to change when I entered Nanyang Polytechnic. All I can say about this class is about the friendliness and warmth they offer to each other. It quite makes me feel at home. It’s almost one month and we’re like close to each other.

After taking a trip down memory lane, it was time to get back to reality and back to the present.

Class gathering was awesome, by the way.

Inspiration

Just a little quote of the day.

Your potential is limitless. You are only limited by your will power. Don't be afraid in overcoming obstacles... Just put a little faith in yourself.

Episode I

Been running out of ideas of what to blog about...Then I recalled that I had some journal entries that I submitted to my lecturer. Finally, it's publicized for all to read. Enjoy!

10.6.2009

Journal Entry 1

“Time” is similar to a racecar. It cannot afford to slow down and it never will. And we, as human beings, have race against “Time” so we are able to accomplish the tasks that we set out to do. Or else we will lag behind and lose ourselves to the world of the Past.

Second week of school is over in a blink of an eye. Lessons apart, I’ve been drifting aimlessly through my life at school everyday. There’s hardly any time for me to sit down and reflect on what I did. But now, since I have the time, I shall talk my life in school for journal-introduction purposes.

I always wanted to do a filming course since back in secondary school. I aimed towards Ngee Ann Poly for the course: Film, Sound and Video. Obviously I didn’t got in that school but it’s not a sad case for me either. In this course, I’m not only studying about the media but also understanding the media industry. So, it’s a great course and I’m obliged not to complain about my situation. I’m happy to be here, that’s the most important thing for me.

I’ve met new and very interesting people in my class. One of my classmates is a dude who had just finished his service in NS. Xiang Jing’s a terrible nice and sociable person from what I saw. Another classmate, I think, comes from Down Under. Her name is Jo Yin. There was this time when I accidentally faked an accent in front of her. I realized it but she didn’t. I felt terrible after that because I behaved like an ass. I’m not trying to mock her but I have a habit for learning foreigners’ accents: British, French, American and Australian.

So far this class is all right. Everybody’s being nice to each other. I don’t know anyone who is wearing a mask and pretending to be nice. I’m hoping no one does that. I hate having politics in class and I like to stay clear of them. There is nothing worse than being sandwiched in a battle of wits and brawn between two opposing parties.

The lecturers are kind of fun and somewhat demanding. Again, I can’t complain about it. I think they expect more from us since we’re Media students. Anyway, I’m planning to go to university, so I got to snap out of my holiday mood and start cracking.

Hopefully, this week goes by smoothly again.

UPdate

I'm feeling inspiration for a screenplay after watching movies after movies. Don't know if it's going to be awesome but let's just go with the flow yo.

Disney, Pixar's Up was a great film. Predictable storyline about letting go of one's memories but pulls the story off with finesse.

Michael Giacchino's music is refreshing, by the way...

Screw you, Benjamin...Never was your friend in the first place...

Not Easy Being Green

And it's not easy being grouped with people with no initiative.

Going through another tough week. Semester break is coming soon! Just endure!

Hope is what keeps me going. I'm sorry to those whom I vent my frustration on. I didn't mean it. They are right. I got to keep my emotions in check and never allow eruptions to happen unnecessarily.

To Kermit the Frog

Gra-tee-tood

Been away rushing projects and assignments, leaving no time for writing expressions of feelings. With a month of absence, I would like ask for forgiveness and be grateful to those who stick with me and my blog.

I used to ponder over the idea of that I'm a little ant and God is a big bully with the magnifying glass trying to burn my feelers off. As I fumble through with black, brittle antennas, Life gave me another chance to live it. Through the intimate guidance of a close mentor/friend, she helped me find my way back into Love...For music and others. Unknowingly, I fell in love with her. But eventually the friendship ended up in flames, burning my soul in the process. But that's a different story that I won't dwell on.

Somehow, I have a knack of finding inspirations in all forms and sizes, spiritually or physically. One of the biggest inspiration is my Elder sister. She is a living example who has gone to hell and back again. Struggling through the work that piles up like a mountain, Trouble has no difficulty finding her, even though she pigeonholed herself most of her time in her own Chamber of Peace. With an abundance of faith in Nichiren Daishonin, she held her own in Barclays'.

No, I'm not preaching about religious statements and prayers. But I'm preaching the practices that are between the paragraphs and lines of scriptures and books.

Life can be anything. It can be living it to the max. It can be just being yourself. Or it can be an epic, episodic autobiography of unless sufferings.

Please note the similar results in all the examples I gave.

Overall, Life is about making a difference in everything that you do. It is a great involvment of yourself, your friends and the entire worldwide community. This leads us to revelation: It is a series of choices. So it depends on YOU, whether you want to make that jump into the pool or exchange football jerseys with one of Liverpool's greatest player.

Instead of telling you how to live your life, I only have one request. You can do whatever you want with your life but live your life with a sense of Gratitude. Be grateful to those who are kind and helpful to you. And always return the favour with sincerity emitting from the bottom of your heart as it is always better to give than to receive.

There's no greater sense of accomplishment than making your community smile with you.

To end off this lengthy post, I want to say that, though I may be not be perfect at showing my gratitude to everyone, but I'm still in the midst of practising it.

So start practising Gratitude to your life and see the great change in your environment!

Cheers =D

Night Tingles

Night Tingles

5AM in the morning.

I'm blogging at 5AM in the morning.

Hardly ever sleep this late.

The night is so ever peaceful. Only to be occasionally penetrated by the bypassing vehicles. Orange lights guide us through the dark. With the neighbourhood so bright, you'll never walk with insecurities tugging at your heart. Below me is a park planted with tall stems of lamps around. Of course there are greenery, but the lights just made it more special, you know? It makes me feel that nothing will never go wrong for me as long the brightness guides me.

Guide me through, O great Light.

It's a beautiful morning with the lights on. But sunlight's still the best despite the sweltering hot weather.

Tweet Tweet

Tweet Tweet

Twitter. Twitter. Twitter.

Twitter phenomenon is such a crazy, never-ending internet innovation. Even celebrities are flocking their asses to this site just to voice about their daily life. Jason Mraz, Anoop Desai, Matt Giraud, Justin Timberlake and the list goes on. Local celebs had tapped onto this tweeting frenzy: Irene Ang, Randall Tan and Melody Chen. No other comments...Well, I have a Twitter account too so I'm guilty of being part of it.

Ain't safe to be out nowadays. People used to fear thieves, molesters and rapists but there's a more scarier common enemy for all: H1N1. I read about it and now Singapore has 142 people who have gotten the slip. I myself have gotten down with a flu and sore throat. Hope I'll never get myself on that infamous list of patients.

Ciao! Time to get some snooze.

Drag Me To Heaven!

Drag Me To Heaven!

Finally, the holidays are here! But it only last for two stinking weeks. Oh well, I guess we have to make the best out of it.

Started out the holidays by catching Spider-Man's Director, Sam Raimi, new horror film: Drag Me To Hell at Cathay

It was my first horror film in a cinema. You could say that I was waiting for a worthy horror film to watch in the cinemas and I found it! Drag Me To Hell bring

s the audience back to the true roots of horror; where there is no blood or gore but only just the capability of the director to create the suspense and thrills of the film. Sam Raimi succeeded and I applaud him for that.

The movie was well directed and the all the shots were able to convey a certain emotion to the audience. Sam Raimi had the scares, thrills and humour all placed appropriately all over the film so there is never a time when you will feel there's something weird with the film. The music elevated the cinematic experience by providing the suspense in each scary sequence. And the sound was masterfully mixed, giving people ample time to anticipate and scaring the audience off their seats. This is truly an experience I will never forget.

After the movie with my sister and her colleagues, I went the toilet and I saw a huge standee poster of a upcoming sitting outside the entrance to the toilets.

The actress starring in movie is my favourite Hollywood lady of all time: Zooey Deschanel! It is about this guy who had 500 days with (Deschanel) and he's trying to recall back what had he done to result in the break-up. So, I'm super psyched about the movie. Seeing all the different images of Zooey on the poster makes me go "aww...she's so pretty". The first time I saw on the screens, I knew she was something special about her. She could lit up the whole movie with her bubbly and quirky personality. Besides, she's an eye candy for me.

She's beyond awesome!

Good Guys Finish Second

Good Guys Finish Second(?)

Running errands and jobs

Being pulled and stretched

Not used to it

But had to

Grading system's haywire

Three trees down

Girl without a Scratch

Fuming with envy

(not me)

Facial and hair

Photo shoot aplenty

think he'd be smart

but just another dumb ass

How ever

views unchanged

not another word

not another sentence

I just don't want to be another human jukebox.

Third Finger of Madness

Third Finger of Madness

I remember that wonderful senior who once told me words of wisdom. I still pray for her, wishing that good things would come her way. She don't believe in any religions but only herself. Maybe she should come out a new religion called SuJuenism. I'm joking. But I believe that everyone need that small bit of luck to push them into the zone that they desire. There's no denying that fact. So don't give up, small girl...

As for me, I injured the nerves in my middle finger while pressing the chords on the guitar. And to make things better, I'm having guitar practice tomorrow. Oh wow, thanks. Why am I not surprised?

When I'm happy or feeling over the moon, I strum with more upbeat rhythmic patterns. When I'm feeling down or upset, I tend to strum around the speed of 60 crotchets in a minute. Now, m guitar is sitting on my lap as I'm typing this. Playing music right now would be difficult because of my middle finger.

I like my classmates. They are all so nice. I kind of like them better than my secondary school classmates. I guess because I wasn't a guy who really liked opening up to people so they think I'm some guy stuck in the closet. But now it's different. I opened myself up to them and they accepted me. The problem is I don't know how and when to close.

Sometimes I just want to be with myself. It's not I don't to talk to my classmates or socialise. But I need to land my feet on my ground and stop flying around like a damn hippie. Somehow, I changed already. I'm not liking it because most probably I'm not used to it. I need to calm the fuck down and assess my options in becoming a fully-fledged human being.

My class had a presentation test. Nigel gave a thought-provoking story. I realised how much I'm missing from doing smoking, drugs, sniffing glue and being rebellious. He's been there and back again. Salutations, dude!

He's the man...

Kris Allen

Sexy and alluring, he pulls you in then pushes you away gently. Definitely a dark horse in the competition. Did I mention that he is a extremely classy gentleman tonight?

Procrastination Jaysun

Procrastination Jaysun

Jon introduced me a cover of The Beatles' "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" by Yellow Matter Custard. He said the drummer was good but I disagreed. Then I remembered a dude called Vadrum covered a Super Mario Medley. Now, that is what I called AWESOME. I was reminded of that beautiful evening when I was a performer on stage along side with some of my mates in the world. We stunned the crowd with our pleasant cover of the Super Mario Medley.

I can't help but think of the person who arranged this song for us...

Blah..I should get back to work.

Last Puff

Last Puff

The sun sets in the distant. Three figures walked toward the sheltered bus-stop where many like like them are there for a purpose. She took out her cigarette from her small branded bag. The other followed suit, digging for a cigarette in his hollow packet. She placed it between her lips and brought a small rectangular object near to the stick.

Click. A small ember hovered over the top of the device and lighted up that cigarette.

"Hey, I need it too!"

She blew the grey smoke into the air and handed him the lighter where he urgently lighted his own.

The newbie stood there with his heart pounding with his feet rooted to the ground. He was wondering if he was going to be a part of this operation. He rubbed his forehead hastily as beads of perspiration kept flowing down. Obviously, he was nervous and had no formal training before.

Suddenly, she took out the stick and passed it to him. He was genuinely shocked as he had no idea that cigarettes can be shared. 

"Don't worry la...No AIDS one la.." she said to him jokingly.

His right hand was trembling and without thinking, he placed it between his lips. He took a deep breathe from the burning stick and tried to swallowed it down his throat and lungs. Naturally, as a first-timer, he coughed out with minimal smoke. His friends asked about him. He shook his head and continued to smoke.

After a few times, Newbie got used to it. Quite the contrary, he kind of liked it. It wasn't as smelly as other cigarettes and it had an icy flavour when the grey fumes passed into his mouth. However, the experience was short-lived. Cigarettes burn faster than a incense stick. Either that or he sucked in too much smoke for each consumption.

He threw his stick into the grass nearby. She adviced him not to smoke anymore and he agreed. But deep inside, he was desiring for another stick. He hadn't got addicted but got hooked onto the exotic smell that particular stick burned.

Desires aside, he knew he had to stop. The principles that he had had became a set of guidelines. Lines had to be toed and no crossing over.

This...is my FIRST and LAST puff.

Reminiscing the smell of that cigarette..

Sweet Conversations and Broken Alliances

Sweet Conversations and Broken Alliances

First time blogging on a MacBook. It definitely feels grand. Like on a verge of a breakthrough of an awesome technology. I'm taking my time to get used to this kind of laptop. Listening to Radiohead's Bodysnatchers while chatting with new friends Jeffrey and Jon.

Here the post begins.

I realized that this blog has nearly no more any loyal readers. But who the heck cares? It makes my job of a writer easier. Had a small argument with Su Juen just. But had already forgiven her for her reckless attitude towards me. Girl, I never said I don't like the way you talk. I just felt that you were hostile towards me. So I asked..You don't have to be fierce that way, do you? If you're that busy, just tell me and I'll get out of your way willingly. On a last note, all the best for your exams. Hope to see you around with less hostility in your tone. Haha..

Went to see the dentist today. Cleaned my teeth. Forgive me for my bad personal hygiene because I haven't seen the dentist for four years. Now my set of pearly whites look nice now. *Smiles* Thanks Elder Sis and Bro-in-law..

Should really get back to homework..Had a great talk with Yan Ting two days ago...

Loving the Camera

Loving the Camera

Helped out a classmate with the individual introduction presentation. Haha..he made me promised not to tell anyone that he got help. Don't know the real reason though.

Made friends with this guy, John Koh. Somehow we seemed to click. Though we have different hobbies and tastes in music. He likes old school rock like Metallica, Aerosmith and Led Zepplin while my taste in music consists a myriad of genres. But we both agree that Jonas Brothers is a gay band, so that's good. Haha..

I'm enjoying my life right now. I like the course that I'm doing right now. I get to see people coming from different walks of life. Malaysia, Campus Superstar, a percussionist from St. Patrick's Concert/Military band. You've got a girl who dropped out of a private school and now she's doing her second diploma. Another dude who didn't performed very well at the O' Levels but got through into this course because he appealed.

Life is pretty interesting for now. Some said you might get a culture shock when you're at the 1st week of your new school. I beg to differ. It fit like a glove for me. I never had any shock. Except for the fact that my classmates isn't what I had in mind. But got to make the best out of everything, so let's make lemonade out of lemons!

For my classmates who came here, I don't hate you guys. I mean, everybody's got their own thing, so I may not like it at first but I'll learn how to get used to everyone. Territory's unfamilliar so don't blame me for my aloofness.

I do prefer to be cheerful and goofy, okay? *roll eyes and give a breathe of relief*

Tired

3 words:

School is awesome

Learning ABCs

Learning ABCs

I have to get back to square one and learn how to live a fulfilling life with no regrets.

Not only for myself but also for the people around me.

Engine died and I'm going to jumpstart it again.

With full throttle.

Wise dude: Try not to stay off the course, man..
Me: Will do, sir.

_DOU /BLE_LOS S/

_DOU /BLE_LOS S/

7th April 2009

Curse of Silver carries on to wreck people's emotions. Tears flows like water falls. For once, I'm glad I'm not in the Band Room. Left Singapore Conference Hall with much regret and sadness. A sea of happy mob surrounds us as we trudged our way down to the base floor. People tearing up, hugs going on, joyous groups smiling away...Somehow I am irritated. A guy in red walked by, his teeth showing. Wanted to grab him by the lapels of his red smart shirt and bruise him up.

If you think imagining Nan Chiau Wind Orchestra breaking down is quite a scene, think about YOUR own band breaking down upon the arrival of the results. Speechless and unable to comfort them except offering a hug. Never a guy who's good with his words, I could only offer hugs of encouragement and help alleviate the grief that struck them hard in their hearts. The hugs meant "You've done your best today and I'm really proud of you for holding on to the end." Of course, people could interpret it in a different manner, depending on their mood that day.

Finally found a shoulder that I could cry on. Of all the people, she was the last person I expected. Just confirms that someone who's been there your whole life is the most suitable candidate for Shoulders Idol. Told me something that I hate to admit but I had to. Dried my tears and walked back home, only to find a pleasant surprise.

A small gathering. Warm and pleasant. For love birds flown to and fro. They arrived home. Added life into this cold and empty mansion where darkness conquers. Like a pain reliever, my wound no longer felt hurt and was plastered with a face of Hello Kitty.

Hello Kitty wages war.

_KIS SES A/ND H_UGS_

_KIS SES A/ND H_UGS_

Last run-through is over. Plenty of practices but only one Performance to determind the standard. Stay focus and relax. Remember the advices given. Nothing else to perfect for there is no more time. Do the best and, as many as said, don't regret.

Chance is really good. Many may not believe in luck but I believe all people need bit of luck in their lives. So here's hoping that Lady Luck will shine upon you guys and push you guys into the reign of Gold. Pray hard and stay SAFE.

Watching the band improve over the days since last year has been a memorable experience for me. Proud of you bunch. You have my blessings...

My Time's up.

Jigsaws Falling Into Place

Jigsaws Falling Into Place

Speeches that touch
Emotions are evoked
Eyes turned red
Cue the embrace

My Universe shatters
God looks upon
Points his finger
Sneer plastered on

Hanging my head
Unable to talk
Tinkering the ivories
An excellent day

Sadness doesn't overwhelm
Faith holding on
For both parties
Victory in sight

_SY/F

_SY/F

That dreaded music competition looms closer. People pushing harder than usual, hoping that their effort would be awarded fair and just. Year of 2009 turned out to be a hoax. Bronze got polished til Gold in just 2 years. How can Coral Secondary played so well? I just don't buy it. Nan Chiau Wind Orchestra, one of the best bands I've ever seen, failed to clinch that Gold. Overheard and heard that they played their best and deserved it. People were outrage, tears overflowing and a tutor lost a bet.

Plethora of Silvers and little Golds this year. Where will Pasir Ris stand? History is in the making, my friends. Nothing's certain til the results are out. As for Khalis and his little "COP" joke, fuck you.

A Day in a Life

A Day in a Life

I'm sitting alone by myself at the dining table having my lunch. Unlike this morning, when I was woken up by a drilling sound above my elder sister's apartment, it was a pretty silent afternoon back at home. I envy Zheng Qian like how he envied me. He prefers the sound of silence while I enjoy the hustle and bustle of a city. He is a light sleeper while vehicle's horns and engines revving up all serve as a lullaby to me.

Taxi Driver drove us back to Simei in the morning. This driver wasn't a Chinese. I couldn't recognise if he was Hindi or Muslim but I know for sure, he is afraid of dog bites. Chloe was nesting right in my bag. Somehow she has tears flowing down her furry face. Either she's sad because she's going back to "boot camp" or she's afraid of the driver. Well, did I mention she is a racist?

Besides that, Taxi Driver was really friendly. He reminisced the good times when kids his age used to play with spiders, marbles and fishing. Now, it's all about Playstation, XBox, Nintendo DS and bullshit. He loves the quiet ambience and tranquility of his house back in Sembawang. After work, he will go to Cheers or 7-Eleven to buy 2 bottles of alcohol. Then he'll chill out outside his apartment drinking while fusing with the cool, serene environment as one.

Heading out soon to get Chloe some canned food that she desires. Elder sister thought that Chloe would be scared of all the drilling and hammering so she brought her back too.

4 hours later.

Blogging got stalled. Dad wanted to fix new lights into this room. Turned on the TV and Planet Cook was on "Okto" but I fell asleep eventually til I woke up from my slumber around 7pm. Realised I had forgotten to get Chloe her canned food and I berated myself for being lazy when I could buy it in the morning.

This is how my day went today. What about yours?

...

I wish I had that machine like in the movie "Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind". I don't know. I just feel extremely tired trying to find my place in this world. I see pictures of people smiling widely into a camera, and you know what? They look beautiful in it. Beautiful in the sense that they are able to show others what they're like. Their faces, their hair, their body...is so nice even if they're fat or skinny. Because that is who they are.

Have you seen my face? It's like beyond description. It's so fucking out of place. Like you have images of these people: Agassi, Zhao De, Bi Xuan, Shaun, Elaine, Farhan, Su Juen, Xiang Chou blah blah blah...Then out pops my face, smiling widely with my teeth shown. My cheeks touches the frame of my spectacles...Hair's messy as hell and you go: Who the fuck is this fellow?!

Well, who the fuck am I? You there, the one reading. Tell me who the hell am I, please. Because I don't fucking know. I don't look like a normal person. I don't behave like a normal person. I don't like the things that normal people do. Even more important question, WHAT AM I?!

I want that machine to mind wipe me of my memories I had of the friends I have. I want to begin a new life with an identity that everybody recognises. I don't to look like a creepy fellow on Facebook. I don't people on MSN feeling like I'm some crazy stalker. I don't people to think that I'm an emo.

You tell me change, be more open up. But I don't know how to. I want to be myself but I can't find my place in this world. What's going to happen to me in poly? I don't know, but I wish someone could understand me better than the rest. All those hidden jealousy feelings are inside me, be it your skills, your awesome talking skills or even the ability to lead. I feel like shit within. I know I can never be like you guys. I try but I never succeed..

I get jealous when I see two of my close friends talking and laughing to each other and they don't include me in. I get jealous when I see my close friend talking to someone and laughing away with him. I can't stop having this feelings but once I have them, you definitely notice the change in me. I become more solemn and reserved. I take out my MP3 player and start blasting music in my ears. It's because I don't want to care about what you people do in front of me. I want to just forget what I saw and felt and the only way to momentarily subdue them is the music I listen to.

Lovers In Japan

Lovers In Japan

Bought Coldplay's newest album a few days back. Definitely a different sound and style from Radiohead's depressing and anxiety-driven music. Somehow, I admire British bands more than American bands. Coldplay and Radiohead have been evolving their music over time, creating new sounds, infusing electronics with their instruments. Plenty of emotions in their music. I love how bands come up with something new and fresh and British bands doesn't disappoint.

Just look at All-American Rejects. It Ends Tonight was an awesome song, but the newest album didn't click with me. However, Coldplay has Yellow, Speed of Sound and now Viva La Vida. Spanning over three albums, the songs pushes different kinds of boundaries but Coldplay has imprinted their signature on every song and that makes it stand out from the rest of the bands.

Lovers In Japan left something on me. From it's opening of soothing melody and then breaking out into jumpy piano-driven rhythm, I fell in love with it's beautiful arrangement. It really makes me imagine, a foreign, strained couple arrives in Toyko airport, which showcases the beginning long notes. They are new to the surrounding, making it their first time in Japan. Not knowing the language and culture, they hopped into a cab, hoping in the craziness of it all, they could find what they were missing in their relationship. Thus, the piano kicks in with its rhythmic pattern.

Beautiful song. It just makes me wonder about Love.

What does this tell us about Love?

Love can be sweet, it can be bitter too. It gives your heart hope and joy and sometimes it can cause your heart to be trampled on. It is an undescribable feeling that only when you feel it, you know it's love. Love can be for anything. Your family, friends, pets, teachers, mentors or even people you don't even know. But as far as I know, love is a complicated emotion. There are even times where you don't know you're smitten but soon realises it at the 11th hour.

Sometimes you don't even know why you love him but you just do. You love the sweet scent of her hair. You drool over his muscles. You admire her courage to stand up for herself. You like his charming personality. You find it cute when she lowers her head and look at you coyly. There are MILLION of reasons why you're even in love with a person...

Lovers In Japan makes me want to write a book or a short novel.

Haha...I know you love watching romance movies. Don't look around, yeah it's you. All those times when I'm out with you in a CD shop, you always show me a romanic film. I know you like Music and Lyrics and Phantom of the Opera. *Grins* yup...Tell you what, if I get the chance to direct movies, I'll make a romance film dedicated to YOU because you're special to me. Not that you're the one for me but..you know..=)

Lovers In Japan - Coldplay

2+2=5

2+2=5

I went to PRSS to visit the school band. Farhan also asked me to go so I obliged. There's a reason behind my laziness to go Band, but missing out last Friday's night practice made me want to make up for today's practice. So I ditched my planned schedule of going to Esplanade to watch performances and went to Band. As it turned out, a lot of alumnus returned. It was awesome seeing Johnathan and Hanif back..Haha, loads of trumpet players came back. Wan Ting and Rui Zhen came too which was to Su Juen's delight. Haha..*winks*

I think when I entered the band, everybody thought I just woke up from a sleep. Farhan and Ahmad was snickering away at the back when I approached them.

"Eh you just wake up ah boy?"

"No ah.."

But I had a short nap at home, where I dreamt that my phone was vibrating, signalling to me a message has been sent to me. And it really came true. I woke up with a dazed look on my face and reached for my phone.

All I can say is that this year Pasir Ris really have potential to clinch that Gold award. Haiz, but Sir every year also says the same thing. =/ And I thought we could get a Gold for 2007's SYF Competition. We got a Silver award. That feeling sucked. Thank God, my batch went to Genting and got a Gold award and Top Band award back. After failing at SYF, this was our well-deserved award and we left Pasir Ris Concert Band with our heads up high with pride.

Sometimes my heart skip a beat whenever I see you, it's not I'm in love with you or anything, just that seeing you is a such a scary experience and I try to not fill my head with any ideas because I don't want to commit suicide. I get sensitive easily whenever I see you guys laughing and having a good time. I don't know why. I actually do but I don't want to admit it. I'm an idiot. Please, Xing You, just shut up.

Fin