Episode VIII

11.7.09 Journal Entry 8

Okay, let’s talk about something that was on my mind a couple days back.

I experienced people badmouthing behind other people’s back. To make matters worse, they were in my clique.

Both of them were talking and talking about certain people with their behaviours and their physiques. Saying really nasty stuff. I didn’t want to join in so I kept really quiet throughout the conversation. Sometimes I had to pretend I actually care about what they’re talking about otherwise they’ll know I’m feeling uncomfortable. So occasionally, I’ll give a chuckle or two and ask them “What you guys talking about?”

Honestly, I don’t like badmouthing people. I have a positive view of almost everybody in the class. If I don’t really like them as much, I won’t project a negative attitude to the person. I will just play neutral. Maybe, I’m a very gullible guy who believes the good-natured front that the cunning person projects.

Anyway, the point is, not do I only hate badmouthing and I also don’t approve of it. What these guys did was compromising my values and beliefs. I feel like the lessons that were with my upbringing are being put to the test. Should I refuse the temptation to whine or should I just join in the bitching? Or maybe I should yell at them, saying how immature they are and they should accept people who they are.

Maybe the reason why they are so vocal about their opinions and views is because they’re media students. But can’t they understand? I know the grass on MS0901’s side is greener than our side but we have to accept people. Like once the King of Pop sang, “It don’t matter if you’re black or white”, though we’re not dealing with racism. Humans are not perfect like your Brad Pitt or Megan Fox.

So right now, I’m being stretched to the ends of my wits, nearing the edge, about to cross some serious lines that I never would in the first place. I feel very confused and conflicted within.

If I told my mom about these things in school, she’d say, “Then don’t hang out with them!” But things isn’t as easy as 1 2 3. It would seem tactless and abrupt. Besides, we have some sort of bond among us so it’s hard to break that bond with a snap. Maybe I’m just a very nice guy who don’t know how the break the news to them.

So I have concluded only recently that I will hang out with them not as often. Let that friendship slowly turn cold then it’ll be easier to ditch the friendship and allow us to remain as acquaintances.

PS. All that has changed now...