Let's Break It Down

I need to get away from Singapore.

I need to get away from cheating husbands, brokenhearted sisters, Loneliness, unrequited crushes and my fucked-up piece of mind. Even my appetite for food is gone. The bacon that once satisfy my love for food is slowly turning stale in my mouth and on my taste-buds.

My family recently travelled to places where I couldn't go. I was left at home during their trips to Malaysia and Turkey. My elder sister was rarely at home. The maid was doing her own thing while I quietly went to my room. Trapped within the confines of those four walls, even MSN couldn't help fill the empty space in my heart. Loneliness screwed my mind over. Though my family is back, their existence and presence in the home did not matter to me anymore. I can not bring myself to care anymore. The human connection I had was lost.

I used to question the existence of oneself; Whether it is all real or just a dream like the Matrix. Are we just beings that are floating around in a cerulean ocean, sleeping and dreaming of us typing on a laptop about meaningless purposes? How come we are able to imagine? How is it possible for us to talk with voices? How come we are capable of so many things?

That was just to throw you guys off. The question I want to ask now is: Love and care is part of the human nature for a quite long time. Is it possible that these things will become so deep rooted in us that we only care because we just want to appear nice and kind?

I said "Cheer up!" to a friend just recently. I didn't feel sincere at all. I just knew that you got to say "Cheer up!" to a friend who's feeling down. I know it's not nice of me to say that but I couldn't be bothered whether I said that with sincerity or not. I am not in the mood to care for people. Even "I love you" is such a repetitive phrase and we say that to reassure and reaffirm the faith in our beloved ones. My elder sister asked me if I will still love her when I grow up. I paused before saying "Yeah..." I knew she knew there was something wrong with my answer because I didn't sound truthful or genuine.

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Spain, England and Paris will be nice.

I just wish that I'll be going next week instead waiting till March...