Hell's Bells!

I'm a terrible friend but an excellent dreamer.

I dreamt that I was in a war with all its dirt and grittiness. Me, Adam Baldwin-liked dude and a couple others were fighting each other. I got stabbed below the spine by an asshole and I shot him with a Glock 17 that I had on me. Adam Baldwin had his face all messed up due to a grisly fight with another man. I think he was hit in the face with a blunt object. That might explained the deformed bloody face he had.

As we walked out of the building with the other soldiers outside rushing in to clear the mess inside, we took our sweet mechanic rides and drove into the mountains, avoiding the spikes on the ground AKA Need For Speed: Most Wanted.

...

...

Just hours ago, I replied a friend's SMSs, 2 days late. I didn't felt like replying to him that time.

Randoms Stringed Together

Thought I blogged this late at night because I can't really sleep. But here's a disclaimer, I have a rule about passing the 2AM mark: Nothing good comes after 2AM. So whatever I've typed right now may not reflect what I'm exactly feeling.

Then again, I got a lot thoughts, half-baked thoughts about things. Thoughts so raw and dry that you would tilt your head to a side and go "Huh?!"

My mind is running through the memories to find a suitable topic to talk about...

...

...

Ah, here we are...

So yeah, I was talking to my elder sister about the mid-life crisis my Dad is having. Poor thing, you know? He's jobless and stays at home most of the time. There was this time when she saw him chewing gum in this white, grand chair we have in our living room and just staring at nothing for quite some time. It's like his life has no meaning no more and he is reduced to nothingness.

And there's this quarter-life crisis that my elder sister had gone through. She didn't know what she wanted to do with her career at that point of time and felt quite lost. Even with her university certificate, she didn't really know what she wanted. After job-hopping for quite some time, she finally settled down in a bank that offered her a good pay. Besides that, she found meaning in the job she was doing and felt she was contributing to the banking service industry.

Then I asked her, is there such a thing called Teenage crisis? And she said that the worst thing she did was running away from home after a row with my Mum.

Really? Is teenage crisis nothing more than just being rebellious?

I am not rebellious but I'm feeling this overwhelming heavy sadness in my soul. This sadness accumulates from what I've experienced for the past one year. At points in this year, I looked back at what I've done and I asked myself: Did I do the right thing? Am I doing enough? Am I what I want to be?

From the humble roots of watching cube-sized television sets to being in the heart of a new media wave, I dare say I have consumed a considerable amount of media. Every now and then, I catch a glimpse of a TV, book or movie character in the mirror, practising lines, trying to perfect it. Thinking how I should say it and this often led me to think how is it people in fictional stories never have occasional speech impediment and trip over their words.

Our lives are governed by these media forces of darkness that we sometimes don't even know how we want ourselves to be and slowly we're becoming caricatures of ourselves. It's sad, actually, to know that we lack any original quality.

Maybe I'm exaggerating, I don't know... I feel sad that my life is going nowhere and everything that I hoped and wished for is lost, ending up as God's nasty punch-lines. Haha! My personality and neurotic behaviour shall be the death of the entire structure of my life.

Me as a director? HAH! In a million fucking years. Me with an awesome girlfriend? Impossible... Me as a good buddy to my friends? I find that rather hard to believe.

Me as a human being?

*the cursor blinks for several seconds*

O_O

THANK YOU, ZAIDAH!!!

"This Is Heavy, Doc..."

Saw the SP's trailer at xin.msn.sg and I took a screenshot of this particular shot because I feel that Scott Pilgrim is mocking at me with his wink: Heheh! You don't get to watch my movie till November, Singapore suckers!

*dies of internal hemorrhage*

If Only Xingapore Exists...

Thought I could at least muster up a lacklustre effort to wish Singapore a happy birthday...

So, happy 45th birthday Singapore! Live long and prosper *struggles to do Vulcan hand-sign*. Dammit!

I also like to give kudos to the NDP planning committee and all for their hard work trying to make every year's NDP a different grand event. Electrico totally got served by this year's NDP song.

And Corrinne May looks plump.

Quote

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

- Alexander Pope, English poet and satirist

If I Ever Feel Better

Had a talk with Ayin a few nights back. An interesting one. But yeah, the thought of me talking to Ayin on a lonely night does raise a few eyebrows and it's already interesting enough.

So, I was telling her though I may be over Melissa, I may be back at love again and I may ask a girl out from our class. I have my reason... I don't know anyone outside class. I'm not swamped with choices. In fact, I only have a few.

Ayin helped narrow down the choices by ticking out the "chosen ones". Like...Kai Lyn (ugh~), Eliza, Melissa, Amanda, Amrit (duh~) and Zaidah. Then take out the ones I woudn't even touch.

Basically, I'm left with very little choices...Maybe even just three. No, I'm not naming names, go figure out yourself. Though it's just three possibilities, I feel discouraged somehow because they're not really my type of girlfriend. But hey! Nothing in this world satisfies anyone, so whatever...

Ayin told me something that was intriguing AAAANNNDDD I ain't announcing it here. Ask me another time and maybe, just maybe, I will tell you.

Anyway, I asked her about revisiting old feelings. She said it isn't a good idea. *Sighs* Obviously, I know that. But the mere thought of getting with the girl that have been there for me is pure ecstasy...

I don't know. It's wrong. And what makes this guilt even stronger is that she already has a boyfriend...So, what the hell am I thinking?! Seriously! Gahh!!

Why do guys fail to notice girls like them? It's only after the whole confession thing then guys go "Ohhh...So she DID like me.." WHAT! What the hell is that? Are we so blinded by our crushes that we fail to notice such little details in which they make their move. God, I feel so stupid! But what's done is done, you know. We can never go back to that moment in time when all was good and pure and wonderful, wonderful love blossoms.

I'm a sucker for the Past. I'd love to go back and right the wrongs that I did and I'm sure you guys feel that too. But we can't. We need to move on. I need to move on... Slightly holding onto a false hope that someday, something spectacular happens from the past.

Well, thanks for hearing this insane, cliched dude rant about love issues. Ciao! Me-out!

Remix Night

I've been introduced to remixes nowadays, all thanks to Atiqah (secondary school band junior). Surprisingly, she has heard of The awesome XX, the band that Zaidah introduced me to, so she has pretty good music taste.

Now, I'm bobbing my head to the Phoenix remix CD now. I never really check out remixes so I don't really know anything about them but, I think, for a good remix, you need a good mixer and a pretty good song. A catchy one will be even better. Wait, scratch that, even good remixes don't have catchy tunes...

Just check these ones out:

Even Edgar Wright dabble in remixes...This is a remix of his beloved British sitcom "Spaced"

Scott Pilgrim VS the World had SEVEN remixes too...Done by the same guy, Osymyso. Brilliant stuff, really...Here's one to perk your interest...

Yes, I know I know...I am shamelessly promoting Scott Pilgrim. Check out the 6 other remixes here, if you wanna.

Man, it sucks waiting for Scott Pilgrim to come out on 28th October...

Isn't Life Grand?

I don't know what's wrong with the world. I know how you're gonna say that "Hey! That's life! That's the universe against you!", but seriously, do you know what's wrong with the world?

Nothing makes sense. Like the only solution is to get that volume in your life turn down. I don't call it an "escape" or "Ignoring". I just try not to think of the problems that much. I occupy myself with other fun stuff, momentarily blocking out thoughts of sadness on certain topics. I know I have to get back to them but at that exact moment, I don't wanna.

Why would people want to burden themselves with problems they can't solve? Just leave it to the act of the higher power. Do what you can and leave the rest to the experts. If your friend want to kill herself after 3 hours of counseling and a expensive cup of tea, be her guest. Seriously, she's not worth mourning over...It's sad definitely but what else can you do?

The thing is with people is that once you cease to exist, they naturally forget you over time. So what's the point of them crying their hearts out for 2 frigging weeks when they're just going forget the whole suicide incident and head on with their lives?

Call me selfish if you want, but that's how I feel about people in general. They don't care if you exist until you meet him or her. I am also guilty of that too and that's the beauty of life. People talking contradictions.

And that's how I feel about unsolvable problems. If I can't deal with it, I just turn down the volume.

It's pretty simple actually... Just turn the knob. There...

Okay, goodnight!