Gradual Realization

... My life and relationship with people isn't as complicated as my mind makes up to be...

I just want my mind stop toying with my behaviour...

I remembered vaguely of how I lived my life. I forgot what were the actual reasons that made me love my life.

Seriously, fuck the movies, the pop-culture, the music and the TV shows... I'm not thinking straight as I used to.

blah blah blah...I'm sleepy, all right..

Fear

The future scares me.

Or rather, growing up scares me. The mere thought of just accepting more responsibilities than I can handle is very horrifying.

Last time, my school holidays consist of gaming, surfing the Internet and listening to music. I was very satisfied with what I had and was doing. Due to my naivety and childishness, I never had much to worry. But now I'm 18 and I guess that double-digit number is suppose to mean something deeper than just slacking my ass off every single day.

In order to make my school holidays more meaningful than my other typical holidays, I told my NYP pals: "Hey! Let's make a mock movie trailer! It'll be fun!" And also, I get to hone my skills at being behind the camera. The script is almost done and right now I'm in the midst of getting my crew.

Then I joined my friends' rock band and they have a gig on the 30th October. So besides writing a script for a movie trailer, I had to practise the songs on my Garageband's keyboard. It proves more difficult than it is because my keyboard is not that sensitive. So there's always a 0.23-seconds delay between the pressed keys and the actual sound produced.

Also, I might want to get a part-time job at my local 7-11s. I could use some extra cash without feeling guilty every time I ask my Dad for more than $10. And I deposited $40 of my Dad's money into my bank account... It just gets worse from there. Plus, I want to meet up with friends to eat, chat and have fun. I'm not asking for too much, am I?

Add all these up and the unnecessary emotions inside me because of my stupid head, I'm just scared of what my future holds for me if I go down this path. Besides, I have never thought of joining a band and play professionally. I thought I'd join a band just to play music and have fun while I'm at it.

I've taken a dive into adulthood unknowingly and signing for these activities is just the beginning of a whole new me, you know? For all I know, this phase may just be another sore attempt to catapult myself into that universe of unparalleled responsibilities like that one I worked at Fish & Co.

As the Bluth family would say: I've made a huge mistake.

Or is it? I could find myself screaming and crying "I want out!" in the next couple of months. I am really not prepared for adulthood and that stuff.

I secretly wish that I have a girlfriend to go through this with me...

Quaint Little Big Places (Part 1)

I apologize for this very-late Europe update. Well, these are taken from my camera... Enjoy!

Vatican City!

Inside the beautiful, amazing church!

Glistening marble ceilings!

Vatican City gets crowded after 10AM

My elder sister!

Dad must be telling his old stories again...

We did not have our lunch there.

Yes, I had beer to drink at lunch.

Florentina Steak: Grilled on charcoal. Nuff' said.

Another church in Rome

The drawings on the marble in the Dome

Heading to the Leaning Tower of Pisa

The tower in its glory...

Before

After

The photos from here onwards are taken with much discretion.

P.S I was in a little shopping village with branded goods. I was caught two times by the same security guard.

And this is where I got my favourite Puma jumper...

There are lots more to come... Shall update it again when you guys are done viewing the photos.

Wish Dreams Were Real

Had the best dream ever just this morning. I feel compelled and also obliged to blog it because I don't want to ever forget it. Yeah, I treat this like my own personal e-diary. Anyway...

I was traveling on the train. No idea where I was going, minding my own business by staring into space till, in mere seconds later, this girl comes and sits beside me. Next thing I know, I'm engaged in this very interesting and amazing conversation with her. I forgot what we talked about but I know both of us were really into it as we were laughing together and stuff.

Then I was thinking "Woah! This never happened before. Usually the conversations I had with girls are either lacking of topics or they don't interest me. This girl is special." I enjoyed her warm company.

I was telling myself how she fulfilled my "Dream Girl" meter. As far as looks are concerned, she looks pretty to me because of her charm. The charm that most girls lack. She comes off as intelligent, witty, little hot-headed and even sweet. She is not perfect but she is a very different girl from the ones I've met and came to know.

For all I know, I want to date her. Very badly. I like her very much and I want her.

I want her very much.

I know how I sound but trust me, I've liked (or attempted to like) girls before because they were nice to me and those, to me, weren't the right reasons to like a girl.

The girl on the train is the one.

Oh yeah, exams are over. Shall do a quickie update on my life soon.