Fear

The future scares me.

Or rather, growing up scares me. The mere thought of just accepting more responsibilities than I can handle is very horrifying.

Last time, my school holidays consist of gaming, surfing the Internet and listening to music. I was very satisfied with what I had and was doing. Due to my naivety and childishness, I never had much to worry. But now I'm 18 and I guess that double-digit number is suppose to mean something deeper than just slacking my ass off every single day.

In order to make my school holidays more meaningful than my other typical holidays, I told my NYP pals: "Hey! Let's make a mock movie trailer! It'll be fun!" And also, I get to hone my skills at being behind the camera. The script is almost done and right now I'm in the midst of getting my crew.

Then I joined my friends' rock band and they have a gig on the 30th October. So besides writing a script for a movie trailer, I had to practise the songs on my Garageband's keyboard. It proves more difficult than it is because my keyboard is not that sensitive. So there's always a 0.23-seconds delay between the pressed keys and the actual sound produced.

Also, I might want to get a part-time job at my local 7-11s. I could use some extra cash without feeling guilty every time I ask my Dad for more than $10. And I deposited $40 of my Dad's money into my bank account... It just gets worse from there. Plus, I want to meet up with friends to eat, chat and have fun. I'm not asking for too much, am I?

Add all these up and the unnecessary emotions inside me because of my stupid head, I'm just scared of what my future holds for me if I go down this path. Besides, I have never thought of joining a band and play professionally. I thought I'd join a band just to play music and have fun while I'm at it.

I've taken a dive into adulthood unknowingly and signing for these activities is just the beginning of a whole new me, you know? For all I know, this phase may just be another sore attempt to catapult myself into that universe of unparalleled responsibilities like that one I worked at Fish & Co.

As the Bluth family would say: I've made a huge mistake.

Or is it? I could find myself screaming and crying "I want out!" in the next couple of months. I am really not prepared for adulthood and that stuff.

I secretly wish that I have a girlfriend to go through this with me...