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I wish I had that machine like in the movie "Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind". I don't know. I just feel extremely tired trying to find my place in this world. I see pictures of people smiling widely into a camera, and you know what? They look beautiful in it. Beautiful in the sense that they are able to show others what they're like. Their faces, their hair, their body...is so nice even if they're fat or skinny. Because that is who they are.

Have you seen my face? It's like beyond description. It's so fucking out of place. Like you have images of these people: Agassi, Zhao De, Bi Xuan, Shaun, Elaine, Farhan, Su Juen, Xiang Chou blah blah blah...Then out pops my face, smiling widely with my teeth shown. My cheeks touches the frame of my spectacles...Hair's messy as hell and you go: Who the fuck is this fellow?!

Well, who the fuck am I? You there, the one reading. Tell me who the hell am I, please. Because I don't fucking know. I don't look like a normal person. I don't behave like a normal person. I don't like the things that normal people do. Even more important question, WHAT AM I?!

I want that machine to mind wipe me of my memories I had of the friends I have. I want to begin a new life with an identity that everybody recognises. I don't to look like a creepy fellow on Facebook. I don't people on MSN feeling like I'm some crazy stalker. I don't people to think that I'm an emo.

You tell me change, be more open up. But I don't know how to. I want to be myself but I can't find my place in this world. What's going to happen to me in poly? I don't know, but I wish someone could understand me better than the rest. All those hidden jealousy feelings are inside me, be it your skills, your awesome talking skills or even the ability to lead. I feel like shit within. I know I can never be like you guys. I try but I never succeed..

I get jealous when I see two of my close friends talking and laughing to each other and they don't include me in. I get jealous when I see my close friend talking to someone and laughing away with him. I can't stop having this feelings but once I have them, you definitely notice the change in me. I become more solemn and reserved. I take out my MP3 player and start blasting music in my ears. It's because I don't want to care about what you people do in front of me. I want to just forget what I saw and felt and the only way to momentarily subdue them is the music I listen to.