Insane Me

Okay the gist of this blog post is I have indulging in self-communication through various acts of personality impersonations.

I couldn't sleep at all. Too much energy, too many thoughts, too many insecurities that everything just burst out on the bedroom floor. Impersonating Gollum and Jim Carrey in self-deprecating insults at myself, and smiling with a wolfish grin while spouting lines in loud, dramatic voices, coupled with grand gestures like kneeling and crawling all over. Hell, you should just give me an award right now. Performing in my room like there's an audience for my self-destruction journey to Lunacy Land. Man, I'm brilliant.

I'm so amazingly bad at expressing my inner struggles to lead a normal life. Bad at writing, bad at dancing, bad at developing characters, bad at understanding people, bad at singing... I don't have any good qualities. All I do is observe, imitate and recreate a poorly-constructed pastiche of what I understand of Life.

While everybody's maturing into their own, I am still in arrested development. Why can't I get out of this phase!

Why can't I understand?

And I haven't found that someone to help me. I don't think I ever will.

Seriously, fuck BGR la. Companionship is overrated.

(No it's not! Give yourself time!)

Fuck you! Shut the fuck up!

(Wait for it, you'll be fine...)

Seriously, Me, you need to get your head right. What kind of girl will like a guy like me?

(Stop being insane then!)

I can't help it! It's in my gene!

(It's not! I've seen you in your charming moments)

What charming moments?! It's fucking creepy!

(NOW, IT'S FREAKING CREEPY!)

'COURSE IT IS. YOU'RE TALKING TO YOURSELF.

(THIS IS GETTING ANNOYING, MY FRIEND.)

Why can't you be normal?!

(BECAUSE,

This is who we are. An ambitious young lad with an eye for design and precision, and you are in abundance of flaws. You crave for company, understanding, perfection, and you seek love. You can't expect everyone to understand you. You can only wish for people to accept you. And you have a family who loves you. Your friends? You know Andrew still loves you. N does too. And Ron, that one girl you always end up pissing her off, but you guys are still close mates. You are awesome, believe that. Believe in yourself. Be kinder to yourself.)

...

..

.

This is nuts.