Here we are. The month of October. About 4 months after Graduation, half a year since I attended school. I haven't blogged in a while. Of course, many things had happened since graduation. The short film, working at OpenRice, then working at Infinite Frameworks and going to Cambodia... Just some of things I've been occupying myself while I wait for my army enlistment.
Here with me today is a story I'd like to recount. I call it the Sassy Cat Conundrum. It's already resolved, but I think the journey is worth mentioning.
So this Cat. I was in love with her for many months. She is the most interesting being I've ever been with. She's full of life, intellectual and witty. As for physical features, her brown eyes attracts me the most. She's tiny. Her face is pleasant. Looks about like any cats you see out there, but I think her beauty is underrated. Maybe because I had been spending time with her, so I got to witness the whole package of this feline. She makes a wonderful companion.
But Sassy Cat did not wanna settle down with me. She likes me, she likes my company, but settling down is not right for us, she purrs. She'd only liked for us to be awesome friends. So, after struggling with my emotions for a bit, I growled "yeah, okay." So those lovey-dovey feelings had to be let go. Given up. It wasn't easy, of course. But I succeeded... sort of.
The months that follow after the news broke and the feelings almost gone, there were still the Leftovers. These are the thoughts that feed and sustain the core emotion towards Sassy Cat. Small in quantity but still as detrimental, like a virus seeding my mind.
I'd figure, perhaps just behaving normal around her, I will soon get used to this new settlement in my heart. It worked in beginning, but subconscious Leftovers don't just fade away. Instead they grew fonder, to which I had to stop these wistful thoughts via mental force. Plus, those stories about her adventures outside didn't help. It wasn't jealousy, it was pain. Like there's a tiny spot inside me that got poked, and I went like "Ow, what was that?"
Here with me today is a story I'd like to recount. I call it the Sassy Cat Conundrum. It's already resolved, but I think the journey is worth mentioning.
So this Cat. I was in love with her for many months. She is the most interesting being I've ever been with. She's full of life, intellectual and witty. As for physical features, her brown eyes attracts me the most. She's tiny. Her face is pleasant. Looks about like any cats you see out there, but I think her beauty is underrated. Maybe because I had been spending time with her, so I got to witness the whole package of this feline. She makes a wonderful companion.
But Sassy Cat did not wanna settle down with me. She likes me, she likes my company, but settling down is not right for us, she purrs. She'd only liked for us to be awesome friends. So, after struggling with my emotions for a bit, I growled "yeah, okay." So those lovey-dovey feelings had to be let go. Given up. It wasn't easy, of course. But I succeeded... sort of.
The months that follow after the news broke and the feelings almost gone, there were still the Leftovers. These are the thoughts that feed and sustain the core emotion towards Sassy Cat. Small in quantity but still as detrimental, like a virus seeding my mind.
I'd figure, perhaps just behaving normal around her, I will soon get used to this new settlement in my heart. It worked in beginning, but subconscious Leftovers don't just fade away. Instead they grew fonder, to which I had to stop these wistful thoughts via mental force. Plus, those stories about her adventures outside didn't help. It wasn't jealousy, it was pain. Like there's a tiny spot inside me that got poked, and I went like "Ow, what was that?"
Time passed on. I was also occupied with other things, but I never stopped communicating with her. Spending time with Sassy Cat and her flashmob posse made it easier for me to sink into my new mindset. But ultimately, knowing there's a problem, plus it's lingering, and hoping it'll disappear, isn't enough. 'Knowing' is recognizing the issue but not doing anything about it.
The movies helped a bit. I mean, afterall, she wasn't my partner. She was just a Cat I really liked. Some cat, she is, ya know. I'll spare the fantasy details, but I really thought we could be intimate and be happy together... Be like those other couples out there in the streets. And the ones in the movies too...
Then I realized, some time ago, that's the area that blinded my progress. My blind spot, if you will.
These thoughts are the evidence of a manic-obsessive, self-absorbed, egoistic arse. The Cat ain't gonna play by my fantasy rules! Ron's so much more than that shell of a person I call Sassy Cat. If I keep harping on the idea that our relationship will be wonderful, wouldn't I be disrespecting her volition silently? What kind of friend does that?! So this singular thought of me being the evil mastermind overrode Leftovers (or something)...
And I'm glad I spent time with Ronnie! Because I was beginning to see what would have went wrong for the both of us. She has qualities that I don't like and vice versa. But genuine friends accept each other as they are, albeit with bits of complaint here and there... Let alone love partners and family members.
Also, I can't stress this enough that it's never her fault that I finally stopped liking her. All her imperfections make her perfect in her own way. It's just that I've come to realize she isn't the right fit for me. But who's to say what will happen in the future, ya know? I dare not predict, like how I used to. Not just with Ron, but also with my other friends. But as of now, I'm so fucking happy that, after all that drama, she stuck by me closely and always, as cheesy as it sounds, will be in my heart.
So yeah, if I have to pick the most memorable, best friend from poly, Ron would be it, considering the shit that we've gone through together... Mostly 'cause of me -.-
Love you, buddy=)
(The length of this post kinda does not do justice to what I've learnt from this experience. Kinda leads to another thing I want to talk about, which is Dating. But I'll leave that for another time.)
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