17 January... I will somehow always remember this date. Yan Ting was probably the only friend who loved me when I was in Sec 3. Her comment: "Why you so stupid cut yourself?" snapped me awake. I could not understand why I was so shocked at her and then overwhelmed with affection for her.
It was the attention she was showing for me and I mistook it for "love". Things happened and I said stuff I should not have said. One thing led to another, the flame in our friendship went out and was never rekindled.
She wasn't just another girl I like in my miserable, insignificant life. She was the girl who tried to show me the way of self-respect by loving myself, and I failed to see the message. Loving oneself means you have to live with the mistakes you make, your weaknesses, your little imperfections... Accepting who I am.
I am a little insane than the rest but have sensitive feelings. I can be insensitive at times and I flare up whenever things are not going my way. I am selfish too but I try to change my ways whenever possible. I have speech impediment and I suck at public speaking. Annoying people is my speciality and sometimes the things I talk don't come out the way I intend it to be. I try to be caring and sometimes I try too hard. I just need people's assurance and acceptance to feel safe and satisfied.
That's how I'm built. That's me.
So thanks, Yan Ting, for your love as a friend. I wish you a merry, happy 19th birthday today, woman. Your awesomeness to kick boys' ass and chipmunk voice will always be remembered.
And more gratitude to Su Juen, my amazing percussion senior and close friend, who took the time to enlighten me in the wee hours of the morning about myself, even though she had school the next day.
Why is it always my great girl friends have their birthdays in January?
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