Asked her if she could stay a little longer, because I haven't checked out the Magazine section, but she just told me to stay and she wanted to go off. Of course I was pissed!
What kind of person walks out on a friend on an outing? Couldn't she wait a while I check out if there's any movie magazines on sale? Just a teensy weeny while?
And she just walked off, like she doesn't mind offending me. What?!
Then I realize this is a test, not created by anyone, presented in front of me in a form of a situation. A test of my loyalty, valor and tolerance for acceptance. A very tricky problem.
I know what I needed to do. So I told her off in a text message. I wrote in the message what she did wrong, but also letting her I forgive her. Yeah, sure, I was pissed, but I can't be pissed at her for long. N's somebody to me. For some unknown reason, I see her like she's a wise, yet a little erratic, younger sister. That's why I treat her all that food, movie tickets and stuff. And I know she'll be there when I need words of wisdom from a rational person. It's call doting on her.
And I do that to Ronnie too. But, you know, Ronnie's more special. Other than the fact I used to have a crush on her. We two kinda go a long way back...
ANYWAY, I digressed.
So having scolded her, I thought she might feel a little bad or anything, so I texted another saying "Sis/laopo(means Wife; it's an in joke), I will still dote on you."
Because I realized, a feeling like anger should never last longer than a day. What if I had died or something happened to her? I can't bear the thought that the last thing I said to her is that she made me upset if anything happened to any of us the next day. So I wanted her to know that I forgive her and she shouldn't be feeling any negative feeling about me telling her off, if she's feeling any. I don't know. I just want her to know I still care for her, no matter what happened.
And I blame myself for not able to be there for people I care about. I think.. Sometimes, I know how people are. I'm not gonna say I understand them. But I have trouble reciprocating to their emotions or lack thereof.
I wish I knew what to say... To make them feel better.
Life is really hard to navigate by...
And I do that to Ronnie too. But, you know, Ronnie's more special. Other than the fact I used to have a crush on her. We two kinda go a long way back...
ANYWAY, I digressed.
So having scolded her, I thought she might feel a little bad or anything, so I texted another saying "Sis/laopo(means Wife; it's an in joke), I will still dote on you."
Because I realized, a feeling like anger should never last longer than a day. What if I had died or something happened to her? I can't bear the thought that the last thing I said to her is that she made me upset if anything happened to any of us the next day. So I wanted her to know that I forgive her and she shouldn't be feeling any negative feeling about me telling her off, if she's feeling any. I don't know. I just want her to know I still care for her, no matter what happened.
And I blame myself for not able to be there for people I care about. I think.. Sometimes, I know how people are. I'm not gonna say I understand them. But I have trouble reciprocating to their emotions or lack thereof.
I wish I knew what to say... To make them feel better.
Life is really hard to navigate by...
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