Friday, February 12, 2010

Falling Apart in Parts


"B
eing left out. the whole context of it. everything that revolves around it. it’s just this inner circle with the imaginary boundary that I can never enter, right? it is just this cycle, where we would only be needed when one of the people in the circle isn’t there, when we actually get the inside joke…because it’s something we finally know about.

i’m sick of that imaginary boundary. i don’t give a fuck anymore. i don’t want to bother about trying to enter the circle. because even if i keep trying? nothing happens. i wouldn’t be part of anything. i will still be the extra one in the circle, and then i will have to step out because i felt like i wasn’t needed.

fuck it. i don’t even see the need of trying.

or wait…did i even bother trying after awhile? I think I did. but from the start, it was pretty damn obvious that I wasn’t needed."

That's what she says.

I feel useless for not being able to cheer this girl up. Oh, why do I care? I don' know. I guess I'm the only guy silly enough to believe that true Love still exists.

I was exposed to so much corny and cliched romance-comedy movies from a very young age that I also finally gave in and believed in true love. Though having seen love tragedies happened right before my eyes, from families to friends, I still held on to the belief that one day, I will find the One.

After reading what she posted on her blog-cum-photo album, I can only assume that she is in no state for a relationship for she is no longer a believer herself.

I do not have the ability to reignite the flame of passion in her for Love.

I'm not her ideal boyfriend as I pale in comparison to guys like Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I have no charming personality. I have no nice smile. I have no nice clothes. I have nothing, except for my brains, which pisses off some competitive people in my class.

All in all, I have absolutely nothing unique to offer. I am just a fat geek sitting in his swivel chair, posting naive thoughts on the Net, half hoping somebody comes across and think I am a good person.

Let this Love end in flames.

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